People who disappear without a word...

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Keiko1981
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People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Feb 14th, '20, 17:10

Over the years, since I joined D-Addicts in 2006 there are a number of people here whom I have seen silently leave without a word. Several times during these years I've been thinking of many of them.

Why did you just leave without saying anything? What happened? Are you okay?

You may not consider me a close friend, or a friend at all, but it doesn't mean I or others don't care about you.

What more can I say to express things the best I can, some of you here mean very much to me. I don't want you to all of a sudden be gone one day, or find out that you've died.

I'm going to give two examples @Candylemon has been on a hiatus from subbing for some time. I don't care about whether he'll release new subs or not (Yes, I know he's planning on working on something, but that's not the subject of this topic.), but I'm starting to wonder if he's okay. And the same with @MoerkJ who hasn't been logged in for a couple of months now. (Check your PM)

"Oh, it's just online, it's not that important."
"I'm (too) busy with my life."

It makes you wonder... What do you all think? How much do you / we care about each other?

Tell the ones you love how much you appreciate them before it's too late.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by nuve » Feb 16th, '20, 20:22

I think this is difficult. Because, as you said "it's just online" so nothing you need take much care of. Well, generally. Like no real life, so it won't harm anyone.
I don't think that people don't want to explain, just they don't consider it as the "first place" one should explain things. So,unless one doesn't know the person personally, it could be difficult to express his/her own motive for leaving or staying.
Though, I probably am not the right person to speak about this, because I too don't really talk about myself on net. So, it would be difficult for me to say that something has happened and I won't be coming here (or any other place). And vice versa, it's hard for me just to ask "hey, is anything wrong? I haven't seen you online for long time." It's not about not taking care, just ... I don't know. I think that if the person himself wants to speak about it, he will say it. (well, I'm contradicting my own actions).
I think it comes to person. You are here for so long, so I think it's natural for you to take care (couldn't think about any other word) about people, you've met here. Or in generally, it's natural for anyone.
And I think that people wonder what happened, if there is someone "missing" long time, but cannot/don't want to ask (maybe not looking rude?).
In previous forum where I was, I did it - left without saying. But the forum itself went down at the same time. The old ones didn't have already time for it, and new ones went to other places. But I met there people with whom I occassionally meet even now, in real life. So, it's not that people vanished, more they lost one place to meet each other. Or, they found new one.
I think I went a little off....

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Feb 16th, '20, 21:11

Just saying something like "I will be away for a while for personal reasons / school / work" without going into detail about, and say "Hello" now and again just so I / we know that you're well.

You may think "Why don't you keep in touch then?" Some of you I do keep in touch with more often than others, and would like to know better, while there are some whom I don't want to bother, but if something is on your mind, feel free to contact me.

You might think "You care too much." But I can't help it. I can go as far as saying there are a few whom I, if they were to ask, would be willing to help however I can.

And when people leave without a word, that's when you start to miss them and wondering if something has happened.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Mar 6th, '20, 16:55

Nearly 500 people have read this topic. None of you have replied, except one person. Thank you @nuve

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Gabrielmpf » Mar 10th, '20, 11:45

I'm not sure if it's the topic itself or that people just find it hard to engage in other subjects other than subtitles. The subtitle section is easily the most frequented subforum here. They either come to see what's new or they're the ones posting new subtitles. My understanding is that many of the members have other interests and perhaps frequent other forums. Maybe they talk about other things there.

Another reason may be just because they don't think it's important to tell people in the forum what's going on with their lives. I speak for myself, there's one person in the forum who I've told some things about my life, but I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing it in an open forum. A good analogy would be like a bar you know and visit often and talk with the bartender and a few regulars, but you don't speak so the whole bar hears you. Only to the ones closest to you. Maybe what's lacking here is just initiative. Creating something that everyone can participate.

What if there was a topic with a template full with questions and members would reply answering them. Some questions about ourselves, our likes and stuff like that. Maybe that way we'd get to know each other a little better.

Here's a few examples and my answers:

How old are you?
- 36

What is your first name?
- Gabriel

What do you do?
- Blogger (just Google Gabriel puzzles ;-) )

What are your interests, besides Japanese culture?
- Mechanical puzzles, astronomy, 80's music :D

What do you like about Japan (besides drama)?
- Almost every aspect about their culture. From the people to the food, the landscape, the language. I've always been fascinated by their endless pursuit of perfection and beauty. You can see this in many of their cultural aspects: the way they present food, their many crafts, ikebana, the tea ceremony, etc...

Are you studying the language?
- Yes, since August 2018. Never thought I would be able to, since it's one of the hardest languages to study. Still doing it.

What is your favorite drama(s)?
- I have many, but I'll just mention my top five: "Yuube no Curry, Ashita no Pan", "HERO", "Sutekina Sen Taxi", "Good luck!!" and "Dr. Koto's Clinic".

Favorite actors?
Again, too many. Yuriko Yoshitaka, Yo Yoshida, Ko Shibasaki, Keiko Kitagawa, Riisa Naka, Fumi Nikaido, Nao Matsushita, Kaho; Takuya Kimura, Shun Oguri, Kotaro Yoshida, Joe Odagiri, Kenichi Endo, Yutaka Matsushige... And a few dozen more :D

Favorite Japanese bands?
- Sakanaction, indigo la End, Paellas.

Favorite Anime?
- Lupin III

Favorite Manga?
- Haven't read that many, but the original Dragon Ball series and Yotsubato! were the ones I enjoyed most so far.

Have you ever been to Japan?
- Unfortunately, no. But it's one of my life goals. How could I not to?

And there could be more questions. If you want, you could start a dedicated topic and go from there.

I think some people just need a small push to get involved and get in the mood. It takes a while to write these big posts, after all :D

Gabriel

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by nuve » Mar 12th, '20, 01:00

you wrote such long post that is not easy to reply you @Gabrielmpf :D
I think @Keiko1981 meant it more in "even if we don't know anything about each other, we're here for so long that it would be nice to know if there is anything going on" when someone's not going to come here for longer time (or is he not already).

but I agree with you that the thought that it's not important to tell people on forum is probably the biggest reason why they don't even leave a short message. for me, it depends if i know the person personally. because i can't just freely chat with someone i don't know about things in my life.

on other side, when I know that someone else depends on me because we agreed on something, then I would definitely leave a note. at least, if it's possible. i think that's a common thing to do, in real wokr/life too.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Mar 12th, '20, 02:55

nuve wrote: Mar 12th, '20, 01:00 When someone's not going to come here for longer time (or is he not already).
:( :cry:

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by nuve » Mar 13th, '20, 19:17

oo i didn't mean it in the very worst way.
I wanted to say that "if he is not already coming here because of work, family, etc. ..."
but when I look on what I wrote ... it does have that "worst" sad feeling, which wasn't my intention..

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Mar 13th, '20, 19:30

Don't worry. No hard feelings @nuve

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by SusieQ » Mar 19th, '20, 13:33

when I first read this topic a few days, it reminded me of PannenkoekenNL (rip). and i wondered about the health and safety of people who are no longer here. "are you alive? are you happy? are you safe?" i'm trying to recall their usernames, and i don't remember so many, but they were here, they made things. they matter.

i've also been thinking about people i met online on other forums with which i no longer have any contact. what happened to my relationships with those people? where did i go wrong? why did it give up? in the age of seemingly limitless connectivity i think, "ah, so there is a limit."

today, as i reflect on friends and acquaintances past and present, online and off, i wonder why we don't put more of an effort in. to remain in contact, to get to know each other better. no judgement keiko, and i wonder why you don't try to develop a closer relationship with the people here.

if you disappeared keiko, i would miss you.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by octavia » Mar 19th, '20, 17:50

I didn't know PannenkoekenNL has passed away.I'm so sorry to hear that. I didn't know him/her personally but I know he contributed a lot to jdrama community. He was very kind. He will be missed!

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Mar 23rd, '20, 06:18

SusieQ wrote: Mar 19th, '20, 13:33 and i wonder why you don't try to develop a closer relationship with the people here. if you disappeared keiko, i would miss you.
As a child I had my three cousins (now two) as best friends, those I lost contact with in early teens. In high school I had one best friend.

Growing up having poor eyesight and living outside of a smaller town, my parents drove me to and from various actives. Not wanting to be a bother. I ended up staying at home drawing, listening to music, reading (audio books), surfing the net, and working on my website (started early 2000) and other things at home.

I don't, and never have been drinking (what many teens do to socialize), so going to parties during school days, and now have never appealed to me. Nor am I religious. I'm not a very outgoing, social or talk-active person. If you'd see me in a room, then I'd be the one quietly standing in a corner, unless I have something particular to say.

My only friends are here, a few whom I consider my very best friends. Of my best friends, and some others here, I would like to know better. Because I don't want to seem like I'm being a nuisance asking too (many) personal questions, I haven't done it.

Wake up. Work. Come home. Check DA, do necessary back-end maintenance at the forum and DramaWiki. Other than that I also love dogs (I'm not a kids person, I'll leave that to those who really want them.), and have switched from drawing to adult coloring. :)

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by nuve » Mar 28th, '20, 20:28

More or less the same.
Plus, I'm not very comfortable with English...

And, I'm a cat-person. :)

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Mar 28th, '20, 20:53

I remember when I was in school and tried to engage in conversations with others. Saying something and then *awkward silence* :roll :rofl:
Not that I felt or was bullied, there were surely others who had it tougher when it came to that. I chose to be by myself, since it seemed to be the best to do.

In addition my family living outside of town, and not in a village where many of my classmates lived, so the ones I spent most of my time with were my 2 older sisters and 3 cousins.

I'm not the kind of person who starts climbing the walls if I don't get to spend time around people, but it doesn't mean I don't want to be loved by someone.

Let's say being in a crowded store.
Me: "Omg, too many people here."
But I'm not a shopaholic. :rofl:

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by bettyuby » Apr 24th, '21, 03:50

When I first made an account for this forum it was simply for one reason: I wanted some subs for a drama I downloaded.

I thought I would only be using this account once and that's it.
Most of us don't really know to appreciate whenever there are people doing this for us. For those people that work so hard in translation, timing, anything else that is required, back then I really didn't care.

Now I see how this forum really is more than just the subs and I think people who have contributed should really be appreciated.

I've gone quite off-topic but all of us are behind the screen. If one day I suddenly decided to stop using this forum, no one will notice, but there's a lot of subbers who spend so much time and effort for us, for free and I feel awful not being there on time to thank them.

But people are people I would have to say, there are things people get caught in their lives and they have to chose to give up on a certain path and a lot of people would think since it's online I don't have to tell them anything, simply because they don't need to. (I'm the type that gets upset when someone suddenly leaves without a word)

I can also assume that some people are forced to leave the forum (due to health reasons) but I do hope otherwise.

I'm the kind of person who gets attached very quickly and even if I don't talk much or post much (I'm more of the shy type) I am grateful to have found a forum that groups all of us, who share the same interest together. I may not know you and this may sound cheesy but as the butterfly effect works without all of you guys, I wouldn't be here ^^

For all the people who did "leave" and even the ones still using the forum, I hope for the best of you guys. (Sorry for the long reply after one year .-.)

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by kuroyuki » Apr 24th, '21, 05:43

I think that all of us who have been in communities we like for long have seen the same thing happening over the years. Some people suddenly disappear and some just stop answering even when they are still active users.

I have been in anime and dorama communities for 2 decades already and this has always been a constant. Specially since msn messenger disappear (I have the feeling that now extinct tool helped preventing people from disappearing + that fact that times have changed for the worse in what concerns to relationships in my view).

I also have the same feeling some people have already expressed in this thread that not everyone seem to take relationships too seriously when built through forums online. This is something that always proved to me hard to understand since those are the people you usually share the most hobbies/interests wise.

I don´t think I have any 'close' friendship anymore whom I can share my love for doramas (aside from almost everything else that comes from Japan). All that I have left on that front is d-addicts, which has been an important part of my life (it helped me discover doramas and then Japan through them). I just hope it does not suddenly disappears one day without notice as many other forums in the past...

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by Keiko1981 » Apr 24th, '21, 12:21

@bettyuby @kuroyuki Thank you for replying to this topic. I do agree with much of what you say.

I've seen @Candylemon active on the forum as a moderator recently, and for that I'm very happy. :) One year and no word from @MoerkJ It hasn't been uncommon for him to be away for couple of months, but one year has gone by, and I don't like that one of the core admins have been away for such a long time.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by bettyuby » Apr 25th, '21, 08:29

Since everyone is different, has different values and such, a lot of people don't take friendships seriously and I think this applies more in the online communities, mostly because we don't really "know" each other.

What @SusieQ wrote really really hit me hard, like this how I feel all the time. For the people who disappeared, I keep asking myself if they are doing ok on the other side. I seriously hope things are going well.

It's really tough to have people that matter leaving like that, a lot of people like me get attach more with the people they meet online because they can't find people that share the same interest in their surroundings but the only thing we can do is to hope they have happy and healthy.

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by kumasan » May 8th, '21, 09:46

It's very interesting to read this thread! While doing so I think back to the past 20+ years and various acquaintances made online.. some disappeared, some might think I disappeared. I wonder if some remember about me, and I wonder if I remember about all of them! The world has changed so much in these years: in the beginning it was such an excitement to talk to someone and have an instant message from another part of the world.. (I'll never forget that first time! It felt like this!) Hobbies, forums, IRC, IMs using ICQ, MSN, .. etc. Such a rollercoaster. Now it's such an embedded part of today's world I can't find any similarities to those old thrills!

Apart from the above rambling, why do people leave without saying a word? This happens also in the real world.. Sometimes you just want to have a clean break and you end up cutting off parts of your acquittances that reminds you of a particular part of your life. I'm not sure this is healthy or not, but it does happens. Doing this online is much easier I guess; just never open a website/program anymore. That is to say that maybe sometimes people don't disappear without a word just 'coz they don't care at all; and maybe now they are doing great and we will never know. Probably, if I think of a reason why, we notice it quite often since it is evident with people which are very active at some point and so we are bound to notice when they disappear. Such very active people (who intensely dedicate a big part of their life on a particular thing) might be inclined to have an equally intense reaction at some point and just want to stop it altogether .. i.e. disappear!

Though, if the relation was close then you would probably still get in touch somehow: a text, a call, email, letter.. As an example I still receive today some texts or calls from old acquittances I made online even 15 years ago. But if I think about them, it's only in the cases of people I ended up meeting personally in real life. After the pandemic hit last year I read online things like "why don't you try to get in touch with old friends". I did in a couple of occasions but those interactions just die pretty quickly.. I guess people have a certain amount of bandwidth and life always fills it in in a way or another so at the end of the day it's hard to re-enter.. I must look the same to the people who talk to me from my past :sweat:

Anyway I guess that ultimately, if your connection to people is through a particular hobby/passion/situation, if that dies off, you are bound to loose those acquaintances. If you develop those into friendships which go beyond a hobby, you may keep them forever. But that requires to leave the "online" and go into the "personal/real life". Also because, honestly I think many people are online to find someone to be with in the real life anyway.

Anyway, amusing topic, hope you enjoyed reading this crazy rambling.. :study: Now I feel like dropping a "hi" to old people I used to talk to!

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by mrvx » May 23rd, '21, 00:47

not only u.. but im also... i'll try to active in malaysia forum .. so far.. only me just active user... all of them die or what

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Re: People who disappear without a word...

Post by nuve » May 23rd, '21, 22:22

kumasan wrote: May 8th, '21, 09:46 Though, if the relation was close then you would probably still get in touch somehow: a text, a call, email, letter.. As an example I still receive today some texts or calls from old acquittances I made online even 15 years ago. But if I think about them, it's only in the cases of people I ended up meeting personally in real life. After the pandemic hit last year I read online things like "why don't you try to get in touch with old friends". I did in a couple of occasions but those interactions just die pretty quickly.. I guess people have a certain amount of bandwidth and life always fills it in in a way or another so at the end of the day it's hard to re-enter.. I must look the same to the people who talk to me from my past :sweat:

Anyway I guess that ultimately, if your connection to people is through a particular hobby/passion/situation, if that dies off, you are bound to loose those acquaintances. If you develop those into friendships which go beyond a hobby, you may keep them forever. But that requires to leave the "online" and go into the "personal/real life". Also because, honestly I think many people are online to find someone to be with in the real life anyway.

Anyway, amusing topic, hope you enjoyed reading this crazy rambling.. :study: Now I feel like dropping a "hi" to old people I used to talk to!
I feel the same. Or at least have very similar experiences. I had really good friends from forums, even met them in real life, but...they don't live near me and since the real life took its course for each of us, the relationship just faded away.
Sometimes, they write me and I write back, but it's not the same as it was few years ago (like 15 or more :D ).

I don't think that our interest/hobby changed/died, but I think that we just grew older.

But, I'm thankful that I got to know and meet them, because it was part of my life which made me happy, and I hope that it was the same for them.

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