Asian DramaWiki Forum

Would you ever marry someone your parents didn't appove of?

I would ! Of course it would be selfish, I think for my parents it would be terrible to have a son in law they don´t like! But it´s always me who has to decide as last and it´s me who has to live with that person, not my parents!

Great parents won´t misunderstand !!

Yes, of course lol. I agree with keiko001 that good parents won't disagree. They should be looking out for you, but they should also want you to be happy. I would listen to what the had to say, but I would make sure to set them straight on the issue lol.

in the end they'll soport you...^.^ but i try and not date guys who seem iffy, my family hasent dissaproved of anyone yet.

Although I agree with everyone, I want to respond to the "looking out for you" comment. I mean, what if the person you were going to marry was really a bad person? ex: cheater, violent or something like that and only your parents knew? Or if they know that the person your about to marry isn't what he claims to be? I mean, if they try to tell you, you really won't want to listen because your in love with him/her so you'll most likely ignore them. Even if you're parents are looking out for you...
They probably have a good reason to dissaprove of him/her..(most of the time)

Just a thought..

very true, inless they just dissaprove cause of his social status or race.
but other then that they should have a good reason.

parents wont disapprove of someone without a reason.

......

^-- Very well put. Yes, they've already gone through all that and don't want they're children to do the same mistakes. But like I said, most of the time they have a reason to dissapprove of someone. I say most because, as Littleangel91356 said, it could be that they are having problems and are being stubborn. I guess in that type of situations, it's ok to marry against their will. Also, if it's something as stupid as race for not approving, than just get married and don't worry about what your parents say.

:-)well, the parents always know what's best for their kids (that's the saying), but they also know that their child is inlove and that he/she has a good head on her/his shoulder....so if the marriage don't work out, their child will know when to pull out of that relationship ....

To me, I wouldn't. My parents have always been lenient towards whom I can and can't date. But if they dissaprove, I know they have legitamate reasons for it. Most parents are just trying to look out for you. I think at at the very least, listen to what they have to say. After all, it's the least you could do after they spent so much time taking care of you.

i would. parents don't always know what's best for their kids. they just think that's best for their kids, but they can make many wrong decision too

I would too. Even though parents are married for a long time, that doesn't mean they know everything there is to know about being in a relationship. What if they were arranged to be married, or, like albertoavena and asianblondegirl mentioned, that they disapprove because of race or financial reasons. Well, in those scenarios, I don't believe they know what it means to be in love and shouldn't be the voice of reason in this case. Also in this case, you can just listen to what your friends and siblings (if you have any) say and if they are all in an agreement that the person you are seeing seems like a good/bad person, then use your good judgment and make the right decision.

I would make sure my parents like them.. and if they didnt, then id MAKE them agree ;)

Depends on WHY my parents didn't approve.

If it was over something stupid like race — which my parents would never do anyway, but let's say hypothetically that they did — then I'd tell my parents to suffer and deal with it, because I'm getting married and they're going to have some half-breed grandchildren whether they like it or not.

(And the reason I know my parents wouldn't have such an objection is that they DO have a half-breed grandchild, and they dote on him just as much as any of their other grandchildren. Hell, maybe more, because he's the only grandson, so he stands out from the six granddaughters.)

But if my parents expressed any sensible objection — like, "She comes with an awful lot of personal baggage, doesn't she?" or "We think she's a pathological liar," or even "God, she's a monstrous ****" — then I'd give their objection far more consideration.

Mind you, I've watched all three of my siblings get married to people my parents didn't approve of — and all three of them later wound up divorcing those people over the very same things my parents had objected to. So obviously my parents are pretty good at sniffing out the trash.

I probably would.

Then again, when you have kids, would you try and stop them from seeing someone you dissapprove of? Probably...

actually i got married 3 years ago to someone my family used not to like at all.
my father would even get out of the house whenever he showed up infront of his door...and i thought it is so selfish ..i loved my husband and i still do
so imagine howmy weeding was;((( but we were madly in love that no way we would leave eachother
my father accepted us when i had my baby (hana chan)..i guess he was happy becoming grandpa
but he passed away when she was only 4month
sorry for such sad story
ps
i neve regret getting married to my husband...we are soo soo happy together

That's a good happy ending.. I'm sorry to hear about your father though.. But the good thing is, he accepted both of you..I'm sure he didn't really have a reason to dissaprove..maybe he was being hard-headed or something..(And I mean that with all the respects to your father)

I would still marry the person even if my parents don't approve - most likely my parents wouldn't approve of anyone anyways...lol...They would be pretty devastated though if the guy isn't Asian and only slightly devastated if he's Asian but not Chinese - then they'll attempt to convert him. I don't think they'll be really that disapproving about race or ethnicity but my parents are more worried about economic status - they would disapprove if the guy is a struggling artist compared to a doctor regardless of race/ethnicity.

Well yeah, I guess I understand that, they are a little worried about your future..

My output is a little different. I wouldn't really marry someone my parents didn't approve of unless the person is worth it. It doesn't matter how sane or insane my parent's reason for opposing it is. Seriously, they're my parents and I have no reason to upset them which will in turn upset myself and then eventually my spouse (and then you have to factor in possible children) unless there is a good reason to.

But then again, if you truly believe in "the perfect match" then this wouldn't work for you.

my pearent will most probably approved..if they didnt...there must be something or reason they dontlike..but i always pray they agree with my choice

Most likely - the parents wouldn't approve of me for one reason or another. But of course I would marry someone even if my parents disapproved because its not their life. Unless its the case where hes a wreckless drug addict and I'm hopelessly in love with him then obviously parent intervention is all good.

I think, if my parents would continue to disapprove of the person I chose, I'll think about marrying him twice. Since there must be something wrong.
My mum didn't like my boyfriend... Now he's my ex-boyfriend... and I think, she was right. ^^ Because, I started to see what she saw...
I think, I won't fall for him a second time...

Sometimes loves makes blind. So parents see things that you don't see. So I think it's important to listen to them, although you might thnk it's stupid. ^^
Sometimes they are just right. ^^

Just to share,

I am getting married to my love after 6 years together, at first her father was not agree and against this marriage but we were persistant and at last he gave up .
Now my father-in-law is one of my best buddy , we some time watch TV together and discuss what is going on around.

There were some times that our relationship was almost ended but we survive .
May be i will also write my love story and send to korea for being filmed .

As GhstDreamer mentioned, it is difficult for parent to agreed to marry-of their daughter if guy is not chinese (which is same in my case). But i am glad things workout well at the end.
Happy ending hah .

of course if my parents agree i'll marry him cuz they have more experince in life & i have to respect them..

reading all these posts I get the feeling Im rather alone in thinking that my parents dont have ANY say in who I date or marry (in fact HAVE married). I didnt even tell them about my husband untill 1 month before marrying him. They met him twice(one week before the wedding and at the ceremony itself) and I have no intention of making it thrice.
Dont get me wrong. I get along very well with my family but I see no reason for them to get acquainted with, let alone approve of, my significant other. My husband feels the same with his family. Thank god. I mean, I made a choice to spend the rest of my life with him and not with the 'extras'.

Of course, my parents being the liberal minded people(in other words, the 'as long as YOU are happy, were fine with it' type) that they are makes it very easy for me to hold these beliefs.

Not really, i love my parents to much

keiko001 wrote:I would ! Of course it would be selfish, I think for my parents it would be terrible to have a son in law they don´t like! But it´s always me who has to decide as last and it´s me who has to live with that person, not my parents!

Great parents won´t misunderstand !!

True
You got one life to live, you have to be selfish sometimes and to live a life without regrets

I'm in that boat right now actually ^_^. My parents don't approve of my boyfriend. I do I don't really mind 'cuz there hasn't been too much drama (don't bring it up, don't get drama). By the time my parents actually met him, about 5 months already passed and it seemed kind of unreasonable for me to just break up with someone that I've been datin' for 4 months already. Sooooo. if you ask me. I say as long as you know he's Mr./Mrs. Right and you guys have been going pretty strong for a while, GO FOR IT! . and hopefully your parents will understand sooner or later.

GhstDreamer wrote:I would still marry the person even if my parents don't approve - most likely my parents wouldn't approve of anyone anyways...lol...They would be pretty devastated though if the guy isn't Asian and only slightly devastated if he's Asian but not Chinese - then they'll attempt to convert him. I don't think they'll be really that disapproving about race or ethnicity but my parents are more worried about economic status - they would disapprove if the guy is a struggling artist compared to a doctor regardless of race/ethnicity.

what if the person's family (parents) were struggling, but he was working his way up to go to law school and had his finances covered, but your parents stiiiill didn't approve? sounds kind of unfair huh? -_-;

4 the time being...i dun think i would...
my parents approvement is important 4 me...especially 4 father's..
but i dun think there would be any problem though..
cuz my father is not really a picky person...he dun mind me be frens with whoever i want
as long as they dun do crazy stuff....

It depends. It'd have to be a pretty good reason to not marry that person though. If I love them then I love them and not much can break that up.

I agree with a lot of the people in this forum, parents tend to not approve of ur girl/boyfriend rite off the bat. But later on, as time past I think they'll approve. It's like my cousin she got married but no one in our family liked her husband even me. Now, after three years, I guess I learned to like and accept him which most of my family is doing now as well. So I think if it's true love then u should stick to it but if the other person is not worth it, you should listen to ur parents.

I know that my parents would have a big part in my marriage and most of the time, parents can see whether he/she is worth marrying or even dating cuz they're wiser and older so they have been there and done it already

I see that all ocidental people thinks the same, and will marry with approval or not from their parents. But i think that asian people have another point of view.
Could please some asian people (girls plz ) answer that question? ('cause, someday, i could have that problem... << i'm brazilian

Sankyu ^^

its depend to the reason of disapproval by my parents...

i'll choose the best for me

I would if I really loved him
I mean my parents wouldnt approve without a reason but if it was for their own selfish reasons, then I'll will still go out with him.

Btw, my parents are parents that support me all the way so hopefully, they wont go against anyone I date xD

I would.

You're not gonna live with your parents for the rest of your life are you? But there's a chance you will live with your chosen partner for eternity!

It would be unfortunate if parents don't approve, but they're not the one getting married. YOU are.

kobe23 wrote:I would.

You're not gonna live with your parents for the rest of your life are you? But there's a chance you will live with your chosen partner for eternity!

It would be unfortunate if parents don't approve, but they're not the one getting married. YOU are.

exactly and its YOU who decides your future and who u love
tho i'll listen to their opinions, i will not follow exactly wut they say

AzNightDreams wrote:

kobe23 wrote:I would.

You're not gonna live with your parents for the rest of your life are you? But there's a chance you will live with your chosen partner for eternity!

It would be unfortunate if parents don't approve, but they're not the one getting married. YOU are.

exactly and its YOU who decides your future and who u love
tho i'll listen to their opinions, i will not follow exactly wut they say

Yet because parents have been through it before they might have a good reason to not approve. Unless its prejudice. That's not a good reason yet I've seen my friends parents do that before.

Tatsuri wrote:

AzNightDreams wrote:

kobe23 wrote:I would.

You're not gonna live with your parents for the rest of your life are you? But there's a chance you will live with your chosen partner for eternity!

It would be unfortunate if parents don't approve, but they're not the one getting married. YOU are.

exactly and its YOU who decides your future and who u love
tho i'll listen to their opinions, i will not follow exactly wut they say

Yet because parents have been through it before they might have a good reason to not approve. Unless its prejudice. That's not a good reason yet I've seen my friends parents do that before.

yes but if their reasons r selfish xP

and sometimes ur parents knows wuts best 4 u and sometimes they dont xD

^^ I agree. I believe it's you that decides your future and though your parents may influence it they don't rule it.

For me,I wouldn't
I have a good relationship with my parents,especially with my mom.If they objected the person I chose,they would for sure tell me their good reasons for doing so.

I like to think that it would never happen that I would want to marry someone and my parents wouldn't approve. They're pretty fair people and wouldn't discriminate against someone because of their race or job. And I like to think that I wouldn't be marrying someone with bad moral qualities, and I think that's the only thing that my parents would disapprove of.

But yes, if I thought I was marrying a truly good guy, and for some unknown reason my parents disapproved of this person, I would still marry him. After all, it's my life, not theirs. They didn't do all that well getting married to each other, and now they're divorced, so is their judgment any better than mine?

I most certainly WOULD and WILL marry someone my parents don't approve of. and you kno what, i agree with all of u people who say 'it's u whos living with that person, not ur parents". I think perants should have absolutely nothing to do with who u chose to marry, or date, or w/e u do with the people u love. it's ur feelings, not theirs. I dunno, maybe i'm sayin it cuz i'm in a bad relationship with my parents, but either way, i would never let someone else stop my love.EVER.

You know, most of our parents have good intentions, but how can they possibly know more about the person we're with? How can they know that person is "bad" for us?

If you are a good judge of character (and you should be when it comes to marriage), then there's no need to for your parents to intervene. If you marry someone you don't love just to satisfy your parents, you'll probably end up getting a divorce anyway - or even better - run away with your loved one

I'm not into mariage and stuff, but if I really wanted to marry someone, even my whole family was against it, I think I would. But before I would like to know why they're against it. Maybe they found out he's a criminal or somethin' bad and they want to protect, dunno. I think it depends on their reasons, if they're any good.

I most definitely would marry a guy my parents didn't approve of. I am in control of my own life, and the one making life-altering decisions for me should be none other than myself. I would listen to whatever objections they might have, but as long as I loved the guy it wouldn't really matter too much what they thought of him!

Seems like most people are answering yes...
For me, nope, I'd want to choose myself but I wouldn't get married without my parents (esp. mother's) blessings. Even if blessings were given half-heartedly, I don't think I could follow through with it. I don't think I could hurt my parents just for my sake.

I wouldn't get married without my mothers blessing, she would only object to a person I may want to marry if she knows that she is a bad person, but I have a feeling my mum trusts my judgement when it comes to marriage.

I probably would i would rather not if it could be helped, but i know that my parents would support me ether way.
They trust my decision.
though i know if they didn't like they guy they would tell me and let me know why, and then let me decide.
But i guess if it came down to it, i would since I'm the one who will have to live and be with this person the rest of my life.

Yes, I would marry , even my parents are against of him, besides Im the one who will marry the guy not them.. lol..

..on the other hand if they had their reasons not to approve and I know that they are right with that or theyre reason is reasonable, I would rather accept my parents decision..

My parents are sensible people and I love and respect them. If ever a situation like that arises, I'd listen to what they have to say, but that's as far as it goes. The decision whether to marry or not would be mine and only mine to make.

nope. because i know my parents knows what is best for me. they wouldn't object unless they know or realise sumthing is wrong with the opposite party. i have the same mind as tatsuya the older brother in brother beat and i treasure my parent, cause nothing can replaced them!

I think that if my parents are against it I would try to persuade them to at less give their blessings before I marry that person

i.. don't know. =/ . but my first reaction was no. i would not marry a guy if my parents did not approve despite how much i may care for that guy. .. thinkin' 'bout that is kinda sad though. [shrugs]

I did marry someone my parents didn't approve of. My father did not even attend the wedding. About 3 weeks after the wedding everything was as if he was the best son in law they could ask for. My marriage didn't last by the way...

awe how sad ...... i would marry sum1 my parents disapprove if i truly luv him cuz i won't let anyth. get in my way from me bein w. my beluv

depends they beter have a good reason for disagreeing ....

ya , maybe as i am a filial son , hehe. it such a dilemma.

I used to think this wouldn't be an issue. I'd just marry whomever I want.

Now I am not so sure. Family's input is very important and credible because it's not sugar-coated. They are saying things for your best interest and they care about you. So when you look at it this way, it's hard to discount their advice.

However, life is many shades of grey and I think this is entirely circumstantial.

Whoever I marry will be educated and of the same race and nationalty as me so my parents should have no problem.

I would consider their opinion but I trust my feeling the most, even if it's wrong sometimes. Otherwise I think I would be regretting anyway

I think my parents would try their best to support my choices but IF they really disliked my partner I'd take a long hard look at our relationship. My parents only want what's best for me and I'm not sure I could live in a relationship where I don't have their complete blessing.

Whether I like it or not, my parent's oppinion really matters.

Well, I don't know my father, so I would only have to fight with my mum
But I think she would support me, whoever I choose. If not... I will marry him anyway!

Never.
I do know my parents will approve the ones i choose though, so there's no worries there. But if they really don't, then the easiest thing is to never talk to them again. It's just that simpel people! Oh, you find that immature huh? Well let me tell you something. Would i be able to live a life where my parents would give me negative feelings within myself and my marriage affecting the whole situation I am in for a long long time? I rather not. I prefer to be as far as possible from my parents, becuse they are bad influence on my marriage. I mean, come on, who needs useless negative feelings? Who's the immature now smart guy...

nope.
my mom and I are practically best friends, and she's a pretty easy going, level-headed person, so if she has a problem, it's usually for a good reason.

yes, if i really love the person. I will fight for him, I believe that my parents will respect my decision as time goes by.

my parents never meddelt with my relationships, and not wirh my marryage. i talked to them once abaout this- my mother told me, they raised me, to be independent an make my own decions. choosing a partner is part of my life as an adult. so they wellcome anyone, i´d choose. and with a smile she said, in their eys noobody would be good enough, so i schould not wait for them with this ^^

not at all :\ i've inherited my taste and preferences for the opposite sex from my mom and i trust my dad's insight so if they see something wrong with my guy it shouldn't take me too long to see it too

edit: i've realized many of the responses became self-proclaimed battles against their parents strange little world we're in

the man who you marry will live with you,not your parents,so the paremts's advice you can listen,but can't decide

Off couse i would it should be only my choice and my responcibility for it
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