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Arranged Marriage thank Goodness!

The real life drama forum. Discuss your relationships or get to know the other members here.
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CraZyaH
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Post by CraZyaH » Feb 4th, '07, 05:59

soulrogue I never said guys don't have girlfriends, nor did I say that girls don't have boyfriends, quite a few do, but those relationships never end with marriage,most of the time they end with the girl's reputation being spoiled..
the thing is,for us, the girl is the one who gets all the crap from people lol guys never have to worry about their "reputation" or whatever, and some girls don't worry much about it do whatever they please, but end up being either forced into a marriage that wouldn't be very pleasnt ( since her husband would know about "her future" and would never trust her nor have any respect for her).

It's a cultural thing, and I don't really expect you to understand it. And well, Yes, I don't fully agree with the whole thing, but it's something that can't be changed in our society, so you just got to get used to and live with it =)

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yamcha
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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 06:17

Thank you everyone for you kind replies.

Well I just got back from meeting him and his family. It was just the nicest thing.... And I think it will be safe to say that falling in love isn't going to be much of a problem. :-)

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 4th, '07, 08:17

Hahaha, amazing thread.

Surprised that some people could not accept the concept of arrange marriage. So I'll throw in my 2c.

First, this "arranged marriage" is not an arranged marriage the way it was 200 years ago. Nobody forced the young people marry each other, they can say no any time or divorce later without any consequences.

Second, i don't think arranged marriages are common in East Asian countries, either. Arab world and Indian sub-continent is a totally different story.

I grew up in Europe but I have met many first and second generation Chinese-Americans (although all them had advanced degrees). I don't think any of them are in "arranged" marriage or would do such thing.

Third, This is something you come to understand as you get older and i am older than an average crowed here.

When you are seventeen you chase girls, when you are thirty, and still single, girls start to chase you. Desperate women in late 20s -early 30s. Sometimes i have a feeling that i hear their clock ticking. They would marry any guys with a job who'd propose them. Often such women have no friends nor carrier (stable dead end job).

Back to our subject, the person who started this thread is too early to hear her clock ticking. But i bet she does not have a large social circle of friends or carrier to keep her busy. I also bet that she still lives with her parents. So it's easy to understand her. She wants to move out of her parents place and probably have kids, and she wants to find some dude to pay for all this. Hence, the words "thank Goodness" in her first post.

Forth, no normal educated non-broke guy need to go through an "arranged" marriage. Blind dates, set-ups are ok, but when you agree to marry somebody you have not dated that's crazy. The guy must be a first-class p***y or 60-years old and can't get any.

In any case, it's a win-win situation. Everybody gets want he or she wants. Such marriage can last forever.

There is a caveat, an "arrange" marriage will last until one of the spouses falls in love. Since they don't love each other it will be somebody else. But them again, some guys, especially, asian fall in love with their work. I see that all the time. In such case they will live happily ever after.

My best wishes to the bride and groom.







There is nothing wrong with it.

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yamcha
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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 09:14

ad wrote:
Back to our subject, the person who started this thread is too early to hear her clock ticking. But i bet she does not have a large social circle of friends or carrier to keep her busy. I also bet that she still lives with her parents. So it's easy to understand her. She wants to move out of her parents place and probably have kids, and she wants to find some dude to pay for all this. Hence, the words "thank Goodness" in her first post.



My best wishes to the bride and groom.
Firstly, thank you for your wishes.

Please do not belittle me. I am an educated person. Since you are in LA then you would be familiar with the university that I graduated from last year; UCI. I have plenty of friends and I currently work as co-director of public relations in a medium sized business (450 employees.) I am not a westerner and I do not want to move out of my beloved parents house. I wish I could live here with them forever.

Just for the record, I am not somekind of loser that can't get a guy. I have been proposed to four times and have refused all four times. I accepted this arrange marriage because I honestly feel it is the best for me and my family. Please consider this; I am an educated, intelligent person who is creative. I belive the best wealth consists not of money or things or honors or praise, but of the internal ability to create. The person blessed with creativity can endure nearly any circumstance for he finds himself ultimately undefeated after every conflict, brave with endless ammunition and a spirit forever strong.

And...I am not bad looking. If I was a guy and my parents arranged to to have me marry me then at the meeting I would probably fall of my seat, bury my head in the carpet and thank the Gods!. (Sorry for the arrogance but i just had to give one out to myself :salut: )

Let me tell you about my future husband and his family. His family owns a restaurant that specializes in Cantonese style claypot rice. Their restaurant was founded by his great grandfather back before WW2 and has been in business since. Their restaurant has operated in the exact same since the start, everyting is hand made from the fermented black beans to the chinese sausages (lap cheong). The only thing that is new is that they also sell their dryed goods to local super markets and eateries. (They are considering exporting to other countries too but I don't think it will be approved since they aren't interested in mass production of their products.)

My husband is a HKU graduate who has just completed his doctorate in philosophy at Oxford. He has returned to Hong Kong in order to take over the family business. This is perhaps the key reason why I accpeted this arrange marriage from the start. Tradition and culture are of deep importance to me and for a man to put such things above all else is a true treasure to me. His choice shows that his spirit is in accordance to my own. A person with whom you can have a good relationship will have a spirit compatible with yours. This does not require an equal spirit, but it does mean one that fittingly laughs, dances, and plays with yours.

The rest comes easily, or quickly reveals itself as impossible.
Last edited by yamcha on Feb 4th, '07, 10:21, edited 1 time in total.

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andievo
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Post by andievo » Feb 4th, '07, 09:55

Is he good looking?? lol I hope you guys will really fall in love! You seem really satisfied and happy!and optimistic! That's great for u!
Pardon me if I'm a really really pessimistic girl!( I've always been like this!) Not that I don't believe in you coz you seem really sincere about this relationship and not that I don't believe in any men but I've seen so many arranged couples divorced after 20-30 years of marriage! And mostly because the husband (even if he is 50 or 60!!) decided to get a younger wife in Asia! I hope your husband-to-be won't be this kind of men!
When I was young and I heard my parents have never really loved each other but just get used to each other, I was so depressed! And everytime they got a fight, they told my bro, sis and I that they've never loved each other and will have divorced for a long time if we weren't there. They can be really happy together but when there're difficulties, in difficult periods, they will only fight, cry and remind us the lack of real love they feel.
Sincerely, I wish you and this guy will really love each other before wedding or having a baby, coz it will be too difficult to go back after!

Wish you happiness!

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Post by groink » Feb 4th, '07, 09:56

Time for me to chime in....

I could care less about what the topic is about. All I see here is one thing: a female who's using D-Addicts to attract attention to herself. I've seen similarities in the behavior when, for example, you see someone always talking about his medical problems, such as, "Man, look at all the medicine I have to take", and then he goes into full disclosure about it - especially when no one asked about it to begin with. I see this type of behavior all the time on forums, as Internet forums are the perfect outlet for attracting attention on one self when she's not getting it in her non-cyber life.

I mean, why would a newbie who's been here for less than two months all of a sudden publicly express something this person to the general public, AND spend nearly 30-percent of her 92 posts on just this one matter? It would be more credible if she posted something like "Hey, I'm going to a marriage meeting! Wish me luck! Seeya!" But no, within a day this topic has grown to six pages long. It is THIS type of behavior that causes several of us to not believe a single word of it and to label her as a TROLL.

Regardless of whether or not yamcha is telling the whole truth, the method and tone of her posts is very odd. That is all.

--- groink

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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 10:15

andievo, He is very tall and handsome in a very manly way. He looks like a young Toshiro Mifune.

http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a288/ ... yspace.jpg

When I first saw him I was a bit scared of his fierce expression, his demeanor was very serious. But at one point when our parents were engaged in conversation with him and his parents, he disengaged and stared at me with a very...naughty smile and slightly nodded his head and kept smiling at me. Luckily, at that moment my Mom asked him a question. If he were to have held my eye for a moment longer I think my teeth would have started chattering. I am so happy. :wub:
Last edited by yamcha on Feb 4th, '07, 10:25, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by elden41 » Feb 4th, '07, 10:24

Here's what you've stated so far:

"I have dated plenty of people".

"I have dated many guys in the past and have been in a longterm relationship (4 years) that didn't last."

"I guess I don't mean that many, more like five or six and some lasted a few weeks and some lasted just a few dates. What so unbelievable about me at twenty-three, having been in a relationship that lasted four years?"

Ok, now you're retracting your story and say it's only been 5 or 6 guys you've dated. It appears most of them lasted days to a few weeks? So each guy you've gone or done something with, maybe even talking, you consider dating? So you've talked to 5 or 6 guys in your life?

Now here's the kicker:

"Just for the record, I am not somekind of loser that can't get a guy. I have been proposed to four times and have refused all four times."

Ok, so maybe you went out with someone for 4 years. That's a BIG maybe, and maybe he proposed to you. So out of the remaining 4-5 guys you've actually talked to in your life, 3 of those guys proposed to you after a couple dates or within a few weeks? If you're going to lie, at least be consistent with your lying and make it believable.

The people in this forum were trying to help you, including myself, if your story was true. However, you're a lying sack of $hit!!!! You f@cken TROLL!!!

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yamcha
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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 10:27

I don't understand your bitterness.

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 4th, '07, 10:29

elden41 wrote:However, you're a lying sack of $hit!!!! You f@cken TROLL!!!
Hey, dude, this is not cool.

Besides, i don't think she is a troll. She sounds like a normal girl from Hong Kong. (Not that i have been there. )

Actually it is pretty consistent with her a bit funny english.

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Néa Vanille
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Post by Néa Vanille » Feb 4th, '07, 10:43

If you don't believe she's a troll, look up what she's posted so far in several other threads.

At least this thread isn't racist (yet) or it would have been locked just as quickly as her 2 previous threads.

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 4th, '07, 10:48

yamcha wrote: Please do not belittle me.
It was not my intension to belittle anybody. I happened to hang out with people from dozens of different countries so i am pretty tolerant to customs of different cultures.

Beside i never said *you* were a loser. I said that about somebody else.
yamcha wrote: I am not a westerner and I do not want to move out of my beloved parents house. I wish I could live here with them forever.
This explains your circumstances better. I, and i think many other people here, thought you were a person of asian decent living in US or Europe.

Ok, this changes the situation slightly. I don't really know how things are in Hong Kong, i am interested only in japanese dramas because i am trying to pick up japanese.

From what i know, Japan is a very sexist society. Women are expected to marry in their early twenty's, quit job and bear children. Women are discriminated against at work, they
don't get promoted because they are expected to quit anyway. There is also social pressure to get married to age of 30.

In China the social pressure to get married probably is strong too but I work with both male and female academics here in US and i don't notice any discrimination against women.

So, it is just social pressure in your case.
yamcha wrote: Let me tell you about my future husband and his family. His family owns a restaurant that specializes in Cantonese style claypot rice. Their restaurant was founded by his great grandfather back before WW2 and has been in business since. Their restaurant has operated in the exact same since the start, everyting is hand made from the fermented black beans to the chinese sausages (lap cheong). The only thing that is new is that they also sell their dryed goods to local super markets and eateries. (They are considering exporting to other countries too but I don't think it will be approved since they aren't interested in mass production of their products.)
Cool, his parents are rich. Are you going to marry them too??
yamcha wrote: My husband is a HKU graduate who has just completed his doctorate in philosophy at Oxford.
I doubt he got a doctorate in philosophy. Most likely he got a PhD (Philosophy Doctor) degree in something else. Philosophy is not the major. Ask him.

Besides, having a PhD exponentially increases your chances to be a major puss y. Trust
me i have insider knowledge. *wink* *wink*

It's ok pussys make good husbands.

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Post by CreaMy_StarBucKs » Feb 4th, '07, 11:24

Congratulations!

That's all I'm going to say now even though I don't agree with arrange marriages........

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Post by ironicwave » Feb 4th, '07, 11:25

ad wrote: Besides, having a PhD exponentially increases your chances to be a major puss y. Trust
me i have insider knowledge. *wink* *wink*

It's ok pussys make good husbands.
Haha, sorry... but that was actually quite funny... :lol

as to the thread, i understand some of the people's curiosity and interest in the subject matter and as a regular discussion where information and views are exchanged that's great...
but i'm of a mind with a few others in this thread, i personally find the whole attention whoring and "let me explain to you just how wonderful i am" posts disgusting...
there's a major difference between self-confidence and vanity and people who are full of themselves seriously turn me off...
i still don't get people who completely lack that little voice in their head that should tell them posts of that nature just aren't cool...

EDIT: regarding the whole arranged marriage deal in general, i think everyone knows best what works for them and will through experience, good or bad, perfect that knowledge...

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Post by expanzee » Feb 4th, '07, 11:44

This has been kinda mainstream in d-addicts, attracting attention I mean. What groink point out is absolutely true. A newbie posted so many just to attract attention makes her post have less credibility. If under her avatar, it states "Joined: 1 Jan 2004", many would have believe it to a certain degree.

And frankly, I see no point in posting this kinda of thing here in a drama forum. I bet there's a lot of other forums that caters such topics.

soulrogue
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Post by soulrogue » Feb 4th, '07, 11:54

wow ad ... that was some news.. i seriously had no idea... .. well i still have'nt started college..
anyways..
doesnt matter her being a troll or not.. for now.. its good . its a busy thread.. and it just started..//

(well i dont feel like an outsider here..hehe.. and dont have to read 20 + pages to know whats going on..)

so lets just let it be.. and lets see what new character comes up in here and stirs something up...,
<yeah>,

anyways yamcha i still believe that a girl taking all the pressure means that society is still way inconsistent .. (not doing good to the worlds developement)..
i am a boy and live in india . trust me ive seen some pretty weird ass stuff people wouldnt believe..
i still cant believe that even when you and your fiance(?!) are SO HIGHLY educated that means your families too.. you would still say things about have to live with it.. you are one person who is flushing your education down the t****t AGAIN I MEAN NO OFFENSE JUST MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 4th, '07, 12:06

Groink is right, but she posted a valid topic in Life & Relationships. Her posts are well written.

If she posted a lot lately, this means she has no life. But this is valid for a lot of people on the Internet. It's a rule rather than an exception.

I don't agree that she has a low self-esteem but that's not a crime.

I do find it strange that she agreed to marry the guy before meeting him. She will have to sleep with him. Even prostitutes look at their client before ... you know.. servicing him. But then again, the dude has a restaurant. Girls in Thailand do it for much less.

There's nothing wrong with being a prostitute. They exist in every country. I don't think that women who date Donald Trump date him because they love him. It's all cash. I personally, respect them, ho... sexual workers. For a few dollars they make us happy.

So let's stop the negativity and be happy for our friend, because she scored a guy with a restaurant ... and she is going to fall in love with him.

(... Hmm, i remember, when i occasionally go to hostess clubs girls also tell me they love me and ask me when i am going to come again. Oh ladies, you fall in love so fast..)

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Post by GhstDreamer » Feb 4th, '07, 15:56

ad wrote: I doubt he got a doctorate in philosophy. Most likely he got a PhD (Philosophy Doctor) degree in something else. Philosophy is not the major. Ask him.
Ad: I received my Masters in Philosophy. Research Area: Legal Ethics - Concentration in the Canadian Criminal Justice System and rsearched with the Law Reform Commission of Canada. I chose not to pursue a Doctorate in Philosophy - so yes, there is such a thing as a PHD in Philosophy. However, I highly doubt yamcha's "fiance" has his PHD in Philosophy because: 1) Very few people pursue it and 2) People who pursue it don't go back home and take over the family restaurant business - they rather do research and lecture.

Yamcha is a definite troll - I've read her other posts (some of them were quite racist). Seriously, I never even heard of people in Hong Kong getting involved in arranged marriages! I'm originally from Hong Kong and this is the first time I even heard about it. Being set up on a date is not the same as an arranged marriage - just plain silly.

For some odd reason, I feel that yamcha's situation sound like it's taken from an Asian drama...lol...

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 4th, '07, 16:34

GhstDreamer wrote:
ad wrote: I doubt he got a doctorate in philosophy. Most likely he got a PhD (Philosophy Doctor) degree in something else. Philosophy is not the major. Ask him.
Ad: I received my Masters in Philosophy. Research Area: Legal Ethics - Concentration in the Canadian Criminal Justice System and rsearched with the Law Reform Commission of Canada. I chose not to pursue a Doctorate in Philosophy - so yes, there is such a thing as a PHD in Philosophy. However, I highly doubt yamcha's "fiance" has his PHD in Philosophy because: 1) Very few people pursue it and 2) People who pursue it don't go back home and take over the family restaurant business - they rather do research and lecture.
That's exactly what i meant. Not so many people get doctorate in actual Philosophy.
GhstDreamer wrote: Yamcha is a definite troll - I've read her other posts (some of them were quite racist). Seriously, I never even heard of people in Hong Kong getting involved in arranged marriages! I'm originally from Hong Kong and this is the first time I even heard about it. Being set up on a date is not the same as an arranged marriage - just plain silly.

For some odd reason, I feel that yamcha's situation sound like it's taken from an Asian drama...lol...
i haven't read the forum for half a year or more so i don't know her track record. Her posts in this thread and personal information seem to be consistent. As for arranged marriages, I heard stories about indian guys going for 3 weeks back to India and coming back married to girls they hadn't met before.

Most likely you are right and she just dreamed up the marriage thing where there is only a
set-up date.

If her personal info is correct than she just came back from the US, doesn't have friends
in HK, only worked for a year or two. She spends her free time on this board and dreams
about a prince with a PhD in Philosophy to come and save her from boredom.

Man, i feel bad for her. I should probably go delete all my posts. This board is probably is the only good thing she has in life and we are being mean to her.

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yamcha
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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 17:53

ad wrote: Actually it is pretty consistent with her a bit funny english.
What is wrong with my english? And I have plenty of friends and family in HK. I grew up mostly in the states but we went back to HK every Summer and I spent two years going to school at St. Ellis Kadoori and then Kong Kong Island School.

I do not come from a poor family and I am not marrying for wealth.

I made a lot of posts because manny people didn't understand why and I wanted to make an effort in explaining my choices.

If I am seen as so distasteful here then I will not post anymore, simple.

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 4th, '07, 22:08

i guess i have a question, what was your motivation? it was kind of like HEY HERE I AM AND IM GETTING MARRIED - LETS TALK ABOUT IT LIKE YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.

its not impossible its true, but if you are not seeing the fact it seems like BS, you are not trying. plus you have some strange inconsistencies in your answers which suggest you are lying, or maybe just exaggerating.

people shouldnt say F OFF! or something like that but you have to understand the board has to be self policing, if a strange topic comes up that seems like its made up, its almost like the board members are being made fun of, and if this is true often, a board like this is a waste of time.

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Post by yamcha » Feb 4th, '07, 22:21

I do not see where I am contradicting myself and I do not have any ulterior motives. I simply posted because I felt really happy, perhaps a little bit of anxiety. I feel that I do not need to respond to people who bash me. I do not know any of them. I just felt happy thats all and I wanted to share some of my life here, considering this is a asian drama/culture forum.

The short answer is that I was just feeling really happy.

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Post by kobe23 » Feb 4th, '07, 22:36

I retract my comments about this not being a troll :glare: I just realized who this yamcha is (thanks to Nea) and recall a few of her posts in the korean discussion forums.

We fed the troll so much she's gonna explode!

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Post by CreaMy_StarBucKs » Feb 4th, '07, 22:40

kobe23 wrote:I retract my comments about this not being a troll :glare: I just realized who this yamcha is (thanks to Nea) and recall a few of her posts in the korean discussion forums.

We fed the troll so much she's gonna explode!
Yeah, I just joined DA yesterday and I saw her posts in the korean discussion forums too. Indeed a troll.

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Post by JKH » Feb 5th, '07, 02:06

nikochanr3 wrote:you do all realize this person is being a wise ass and is just bored and is having a fake discussion about their fake arranged marriage, right? dont give them your time.
Ah! So that's the definition of a "troll"! I hadn't heard the term before...
Sorry, wrong place to put this post! :offtopic:

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Post by LemonDrive » Feb 5th, '07, 03:17

Hey, I just wanna share this:

I've seen a lot of people get arranged marriage, two of them whom are my friends are already married like this and the rest I know only because I either heard of them as a gossip or she's someone I've got a crush with lol..

Their first impression is shocked and really want to get away from it, specially the person who has been arranged to. Mostly female. There once where someone we had a crush on get arranged marriage. She had a boyfriend, of different religion. They really like each other but the girl was arranged to someone else.

On their wedding day, she'd cry and go crazy. I said, poor girl but there was no other choice because it is tradition.

Anyways, after 3 years they already have a child and living quite fine.

It's kind of sad because... well you don't get to see them single after their mid 20s when they turn to gorgeous looking single ladies XD. Most girls of 16+ gets married to 25+ male.

ad
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Post by ad » Feb 5th, '07, 03:24

Life & Relationships is a trolling forum by definition.

Everybody here seems to be pissed at yamcha. So i went and read her previous posts.

Perhaps, i am more tolerant than most of you guys. I don't think she is a racist. I think you guys are judging her from the position of multi-cultural America or Europe. And she is no more troll than any teenager on myspace.

I remember i read a long and interesting discussion on japantoday forum about whether or not the Japanese are racist. Lots of people who lived in Japan contributed to it. The conclusion was that Japanese are not racist but xenophobic. They don't think that gaijins are
worse than them but they will never accept you as one of theirs even if you live in Japan for decades, learn the language and get the citizenship.

The same is valid for China only to a lesser extent. You can't blame somebody who grew
up in China for being a bit xenophobic because so is everybody else. I have met educated Chinese women who said their would marry only Chinese guys because they wanted their kids to be Chinese. I can't blame them. Even here in America some 50 ago racial segregation was normal.

Somehow i genuinely believe that that yamcha's posts are not made up and truly represent who she is, a confused 20-year old girl.

But i agree that everybody should stop feeding her because her views are so different from the views of other people on this board that it is almost impossible to bridge the gap.
It is like trying to explain an African cannibal why he should not eat people. He would say: "Why not? They are delicious!"

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Post by groink » Feb 5th, '07, 04:01

ad wrote:Life & Relationships is a trolling forum by definition.

But i agree that everybody should stop feeding her because her views are so different from the views of other people on this board that it is almost impossible to bridge the gap.
The purpose of posting to public forums, period, is to obtain advice. That's simply it. Regarding the Life & Relationships forum, it is created for people to obtain advice from what he views as his peers (ex: likes Asian dramas, so the community must have similar views about life & relationships.) It is the assumption of the readers that by posting in this forum, the poster is looking for advice.

Regarding yamacha's post, the context and vibe in her first few posts do not fit the expected criteria of a post you would expect in the L&R forum. That to me is the real problem here. As ad mentioned, places like MySpace is designed for people who are looking for attention because they're more likely aren't getting it at home. He didn't mention YouTube, but I think YouTube is filled with attention-fetching people. I mean, why would you videotape yourself expressing your personal feelings? Just watch most of the videos there - they're nothing but exhibitionists. yamacha's post is basically a video-less, written exhibition - a plea for people to react to her. If she had people around her or cared about her feelings on matters, she wouldn't have created this topic in the first place. I truly believe that because if she was able to speak to friends about her glee, she should've been satisfied with their feedback, and the issue is closed.

If people like yamacha realize what they're doing, then maybe they can either re-think what they're actually posting, seek counseling, or do something to draw a brick wall between their real life and cyber life. Personally I hate exhibitionism, and this form of expression should not be condoned on D-Addicts.

--- groink

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Post by cutekid » Feb 5th, '07, 04:25

groink wrote:
If people like yamacha realize what they're doing, then maybe they can either re-think what they're actually posting, seek counseling, or do something to draw a brick wall between their real life and cyber life. Personally I hate exhibitionism, and this form of expression should not be condoned on D-Addicts.

--- groink
so what should we do to such people? just ignore them for sure would be nice thing. give her some form of punishment for being mean or something? be banned on this site. too harsh! what to do? :argue:

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Post by groink » Feb 5th, '07, 04:35

cutekid wrote:
groink wrote:
If people like yamacha realize what they're doing, then maybe they can either re-think what they're actually posting, seek counseling, or do something to draw a brick wall between their real life and cyber life. Personally I hate exhibitionism, and this form of expression should not be condoned on D-Addicts.

--- groink
so what should we do to such people? just ignore them for sure would be nice thing. give her some form of punishment for being mean or something? be banned on this site. too harsh! what to do? :argue:
Ignore all exhibitionists and trolls. Psychologically, once the person doesn't receive the feedback he's craving for, he'll go away. Remember - trolling and exhibitionism are all about getting attention. If you do not give what he's craving for, you win.

--- groink

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Post by Carbon Dixoide » Feb 5th, '07, 05:03

lol owned?

now u're being called a troll....

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Post by yamcha » Feb 5th, '07, 05:51

LemonDrive wrote:
Anyways, after 3 years they already have a child and living quite fine.

It's kind of sad because... well you don't get to see them single after their mid 20s when they turn to gorgeous looking single ladies XD. Most girls of 16+ gets married to 25+ male.
I don't see any reason why it woudn't have a good chance to workout if both parties are commited. Where do you come from? In most countries you have to be 18 to get married.

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Post by kobe23 » Feb 5th, '07, 06:16

For those who don't feel like reading through the previous 8 pages, this picture pretty much sums it up

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Post by Carbon Dixoide » Feb 5th, '07, 07:09

kobe23 wrote:For those who don't feel like reading through the previous 8 pages, this picture pretty much sums it up
LMAO
lol wow..... no comment on that =/

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Post by expanzee » Feb 5th, '07, 07:26

kobe23 wrote:For those who don't feel like reading through the previous 8 pages, this picture pretty much sums it up
Gosh ... You're like a teacher saying "Student, this is how you do a summary."

NICE!

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 5th, '07, 17:59

http://www.d-addicts.com/forum/viewtopic_44141.htm

Read this before you give this moron the time of day. I didn't realize it was THIS person, they just got better at trolling - no race baiting this time. They also strike me as being totally fake, i wouldnt be suprised if they are neither asian nor female.

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Post by AzNightDreams » Feb 5th, '07, 19:21

thanx 4 that nikochanr3

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 5th, '07, 19:51

No problem, it kind of annoys me cause some of you are so nice, offering advice and discussion when someone is sitting on the other end giggling cause they are tricking you. its just stupid.

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Post by NgocLan » Feb 5th, '07, 20:17

okay.... after reading that thread, I understand everyone's reactions..

Perhaps this thread should be locked too? Leave it to rot away. All replies are abuse anyway. And it's not good that this thread keeps being brought up again and again.

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Post by pokute » Feb 5th, '07, 20:36

Nono. If the thread is locked the troll might latch onto an existing thread where something important is being discussed. Best to leave the troll and the folks who enjoy being trolled a cozy place to carry on. Natural selection will kick in and do it's job via the name recognition pragma.

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 5th, '07, 20:49

I just realized Yamcha is the person who said Hyundai's are inferior! Ugh...he/she is now my enemy! I hope her pretend arranged husband is ugly! Uh..or something like that....

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Post by caudex » Feb 5th, '07, 21:06

Anyways, Back to the original topic.
Arranged Marrages are OK, however just depends on what you think you wanna do. There is alot of ways to meet somebody.

The good arranged marrages isnt a contract, in some cultures Arranged marrages are contracts, you decide without even dating them to marry them. Those are imo bad, because you dont even know wtf you marrying, could be some skitz for all you know.

However if its a non-binding arranged marrage it wouldnt be too bad to meet them then go out alittle then get married if you 2 decide so. (NOT THE PARENTS DECISION!!! alot of parents love to stick their fingers in and meddle with your decision, and pressure you into saying YES cuz they wanna get rid of ya.)

Just depends on what you like, some people would hate arranged marrages since it would mean you didn't get to choose. Its almost like going to a resturant and the waiter goes "screw asking you what you wanna eat, i will just bring ya some food". Some people might like that cuz they cant be bothered choosing their own food.

Hope everything works out great for ya, if it doesnt then there is always another guy around =) ^^

Love is a long journey, however some people dont make it to the end, because they give up in the looking phase. ^^ Stay in there, Ya will find somebody for you!

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 5th, '07, 21:15

My student in english class had an arranged marriage kind of. (i taught) This was like 10 years ago. He arranged it himself though. Another student had a sister in china who wanted to get married. This person (not the sister) was fun, really pretty, outgoing, she was awesome, and she swore the sister looked similar. He called the sister, and she was sweet over the phone, and after some talking, it was set up that he would bring her here for marriage.

it wound up ok, she was nice, and they were happy. he was REAL dissapointed at first, she was nowhere close to the sister though.

i think for me the problem with an arranged marriage is, chances are, at some point in your life, you are going to want the WOW I JUST MET THIS PERSON amazing rush, and follow through on it. if you just have this gradual comfort from the arranged thing, i just feel like that may happen anway. it always may happen anyway, but it just strikes me as more likely.

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Post by AboutDrama » Feb 5th, '07, 23:32

it wound up ok, she was nice, and they were happy. he was REAL disappointed at first, she was nowhere close to the sister though.

i think for me the problem with an arranged marriage is, chances are, at some point in your life, you are going to want the WOW I JUST MET THIS PERSON amazing rush, and follow through on it.
You have a point there.

I think is it's still depend on individual. Some people meet by hating each other but slowly they start to like each other. In this case, probably when you meet someone that you don't expect much but all you see that are bad points. Slowly, you may end up fall in love with that person because you start to see the good points of that person.

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Post by Eileithyia » Feb 6th, '07, 02:18

My student in english class had an arranged marriage kind of. (i taught) This was like 10 years ago. He arranged it himself though. Another student had a sister in china who wanted to get married. This person (not the sister) was fun, really pretty, outgoing, she was awesome, and she swore the sister looked similar. He called the sister, and she was sweet over the phone, and after some talking, it was set up that he would bring her here for marriage.
that's not so much of an arranged marriage. more like a matching maker on the sister's part. not the one in china.

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Post by ad » Feb 6th, '07, 04:00

nikochanr3 wrote:http://www.d-addicts.com/forum/viewtopic_44141.htm

Read this before you give this moron the time of day. I didn't realize it was THIS person, they just got better at trolling - no race baiting this time. They also strike me as being totally fake, i wouldnt be suprised if they are neither asian nor female.
It baffles me. What do you guys find racist in that thread? It thought it was pretty harmless.

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Post by yamcha » Feb 6th, '07, 06:23

Nor do I. Its seems as though you can't say anything these days.

"I am asain girl and I prefer to date an asian guy."

"You're a racist!!"


At KFC I prefer the white meat over the dark meat."

"You're a racist!!"


"I am white and I prefer dating asians."

"You're a racist!!"


"I prefer Japanese girls over Chinese girls."

"You're a racist!!"


"I'm not interested in Asian girls. Asian girls are for asian boys. I am European"

"You're a racist!!"

"No no, it's not about discrimination it is about respect. How would you like it if outsiders came in and started taking away your women?"

"You're a racist!!"


"I think black men are sexier than white men."

"You're a racist!!"


"I don't understand what the big deal is. I don't find Hiroko that pretty. She strains to open her eyes so big and I think it's kind of weird."

"You're a racist!!"


"Do you think the reason why the Chinese are so good at ping pong is because of their greater horizontal field of vision? Like they can see the whole length of the net?"

"You're a racist!!"

"No I'm not. I am complimenting them. White people see in regular TV and Chinese see in Letterbox. Everyone knows letterbox is better since you get to see everything."

"You're a racist!!"

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Post by groink » Feb 6th, '07, 06:35

yamcha wrote:Nor do I. Its seems as though you can't say anything these days.
Man, I wish that was true... You're still posting.

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Post by ad » Feb 6th, '07, 08:04

I don't want to get into a discussion with her anymore. As she is not interested in discussions, just tries to get attention.

But i don't think anything in that thread was racist.Disclaimer: I am one of those white boys she does not want to date. It's fine with me. (I'd say 'Lucky me')

Racism is denying a person basic rights based solely on his or her race. If you say: "You have to ride in the back of the bus, black boy". That's racist. But if you are auditioning actors for the part of Othello and you ask only black guys to applyyou are discriminating against Caucasians or women but you are not racist. There are other roles in the play.

The same applies to dating. Dating is not equal opportunity employment. I know white guys with a thing for asian girls, i know chinese guys with a thing for white girls. I know them well and swear they are not racist. Maybe their p*nises are, but that part our body is beyond our control.

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Post by yamcha » Feb 6th, '07, 09:17

It is acceptable that you do not wish ot converse with me but what you say is irrelavant. Why would you feel lucky that you are one of those white guys I woudn't date when the fact is I woudn't date a white guy period. It would be the same to me as commiting suicide.

Don't think that I think poorely of the west. I do not, I have great admiration of western insight philoosophy and invention.

The reason why I woudn't date a foreigner is simple, why would I recklessly choose to do something that has no value but instead is harmful to my culture and eventually brings about the extinction of my heritage?

People can call me what they wish. There has always been low culture, and despite how widespread its grasp or efficient its propagation, it is of no great concern, therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degenerate.

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 6th, '07, 14:08

Oh will you stop, most likely you are not asian, and a guy, and trying to be funny. You're not racist. You're a troll who wants attention.

Jeez...

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Post by nikochanr3 » Feb 6th, '07, 14:10

ad wrote:
nikochanr3 wrote:http://www.d-addicts.com/forum/viewtopic_44141.htm

Read this before you give this moron the time of day. I didn't realize it was THIS person, they just got better at trolling - no race baiting this time. They also strike me as being totally fake, i wouldnt be suprised if they are neither asian nor female.
It baffles me. What do you guys find racist in that thread? It thought it was pretty harmless.
not racist. she's a troll. she's race baiting, or baiting by being rude. everything is calculated to get a response. its the difference between me posting my response like this, or me saying

WHY DID YOU POST SUCH A STUPID RESPONSE? :P jk

obviously one fosters discussion, and one fosters an argument.

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Post by soulrogue » Feb 7th, '07, 11:25

ok...wow.. its been like 2 days since i came here... wow .. this is really popular!!!
ok so to sum up..
that pic was real cool *thumbs up to you for thinking of that*
PLUS :
ad .. man you are good..... uhh.. its cause im amazed how some people can insult other people with a cherry on top without making the people realise it.. i seriously want to learn that ability ..my brother has it .. im damn jealous of him but he wont teach me..(cmon teach me wouldya?? pretty please).....carrying on
hm i read the posts on the locked topic.. doesnt seem racist to me.. but does seem a bit idiotic NAIVE , i guess..
asians are asians also : "INDIANS ARE ASIANS TOO" (since that topic is locked).people who are not asians are people who are orignally from the north/south american ; european ; african ; australian ; antarctic ; russian(i think) , subcontinents ..did i leave any out..?
also:
>i think its alright if she wants to get attenton this way.. its something to pass time over it .. plus she may get bored after making up stuff and go away herself.
>it is also ok for ANYONE to want attention because WE are ALL humans.. forums are also made for that purpose other than sharing tangiable stuff we can also share intagiable things ..i guess
>this is entertainment dont take it personally..even though being a racist and all is considered bad ...we still have freedom of expression till it does not harm others...just regard it as a crazy a** topic and deal with it
>no i am not siding with anyone , i just think if people get pissed here every1's gonna leave and well there's gonna be another trolll topic soon.. and we gonna repeat whole mess again..

back to topic: yamcha ..yam those one liners of yours do NOT earn any1 a title of being a racist .. put some creativity into that.. people who consider these things as being a racist's, themselves are racists or hold grudges against the OTHER race... my point >the accuser is one b**** a** scr**** person

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Post by soulrogue » Feb 7th, '07, 11:48

this is in another post cause its differnt:

I DO NOT KNOW about other rituals and styles of how arranged marriages are set up.. i ONLY have ideas of about my own county's style and its based on things like something called "janam patrika".. (it some weird stuff made of ancient knowledge passed down to some "Holymen" and that crap.. i personally do not believe in em., but hey whatever works for you.).

if you can find a suitable life partner for yourself on your own who is also compatible with your family... then hey why would any1 have problems..
BUT:
there are also some people who are more ..'reserved' and are ...maybe.. unable to select a life partner for themselves.. or are confused or not confident enough..
in this day and age this is where arranged marriage comes in
before choosing the "players" for the "game of marriage" a whole history and back ground check is frist conducted .. it leaves out cases of say marriage swindling / diseases/ bad future status.

its not that easy to get married through this process.. even this requires biodatas and all that crap a little different from the ones we would send to a company for applicantion.. trust me i know.. i know somewhat about arrange marriage process cause i helped/(well saw) my dad with doing all this crap for "oniichan"(older sis?)

both are equally good ..its like giving a kid a start swimming.. some kids are natural but some just need a push from the back.

AND ; just as a great man once said (actually a comedian named russel peters<this guy is good): no matter how you try to avoid it soon this worlds gonna be a mixed race of the chinese and indians ..look around you they are everywhere
so yam' saying the crap about destroying your heritage and all (its a load of bull)
if you do want to preserve it start wearing them kimonos, bind your feet till they break, and marry a samurai (the last samurai 'tom cruise' is not an option ) :whistling: "i wonder what'd he say about it though"
YOU CANNOT define/change/affect your own heritage.. its always gonna be the way it has been, cause every new generation has its own heritage. no race and i mean no race has had any generation in its time that has copied/xeroxed the heritage (values and beliefs) of the last generation.
so if u were thinking of not dating a white guy because of that reason .. well lemme tell a now you have a lot of options for boyfriends who are not screwed as the one your gonna marry ...restautant after completing phd..(wow my dad woulda killed me if id do that) :alcoholic:

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Post by ad » Feb 7th, '07, 12:19

soulrogue wrote: ad .. man you are good..... uhh.. its cause im amazed how some people can insult other people with a cherry on top without making the people realise it..
I didn't intend to insult anybody. If you call somebody arsehole that's an insult. If you call a woman who sells sex a prostitute it's a fact. Like yourself i hadn't read or posted here for a long while so when i stopped by and saw a thread about an arranged marriage i thought it was an interested topic to discuss. Later i figured out that the starter of the thread was not interested in the discussion at all.

But i was also surprised by the accusations of racism and i thought people here overreacted. In my book she is not a racist, a xenophobe maybe. Nor is she a classical troll. Those will get abusive, aggressively spamming forums trying to prove everybody that they are right. Flamebait is the right word. It's when you start a discussion of sensitive topic that you know will lead to nowhere.

PS It is retarded to argue who is asian because this word is an oxymoron. Like iraqi or afgani. Asia is the word used by the Greeks to call everything East of Greece. Nevermind that there thousands of different nations and cultures there. Basically it was a geographic term. Some people these days put a different meaning for this word. But it is just a question of semantics. Leave to PhDs in linguistics.

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Post by Xi@h » Feb 7th, '07, 12:26

I think that this topic has gone too far. Lots of bashing & people are getting hurt.

May be one of the mods should consider closing this topic.

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Post by ad » Feb 7th, '07, 12:51

Xi@h wrote:I think that this topic has gone too far. Lots of bashing & people are getting hurt.

May be one of the mods should consider closing this topic.
Yeah, delete this thread before somebody else post here. Arrange marriage is an important and interesting topic but this discussion went astay.

In conclusion, i recommend everybody to watch the PBS program China from the Inside. The second part is about women in China. You can find it through torrentspy.

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Post by princess 1 » Feb 9th, '07, 19:04

good for you.........
hope u have a wonderful time togather ؛)

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Post by Elekko » Feb 19th, '07, 15:13

I would say that having a girlfriend before is better.. Because in that way the couple knows each other much much better... also this "love" is something I find more romantic. But note that my statements is what I THINK.

angeldaimon
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....wow

Post by angeldaimon » Nov 2nd, '07, 20:46

I only read the first page and the this one and ...
Anyway
congrats on the engagement (meeting the future husband)
and
sincerely hope that everything works out.

Also I don't see a problem with what the writer of this thread said, from what I found (I'm a
white American, by the way, so I don't know how accurate this is.) most Asian parents WANT
there children to marry into the same ethnic backgrounds so *shrug*. Anyway this has gone
way off topic and I agree it should either stop or be shredded (the thread). :D Again congrats!

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Re: ....wow

Post by groink » Nov 2nd, '07, 21:06

angeldaimon wrote:Also I don't see a problem with what the writer of this thread said, from what I found
The problem with the post had nothing to do with marriage, culture or anything of the sort. It is the idea behind posting it in the first place. There's a certain type of person who will walk into a room of people, and then out of the blue start talking about his ailments and the drugs he's taking for it. Or start speaking about how lonely he is, etc.

To come into the Life & Relationships forum and ask questions is one thing. But to just come in and post an announcement about something personal (it isn't even posed as a rhetorical question) is looked upon in the message board circle as strange. Maybe it's just me and that the rest of the Internet has tuned into this Web 2.0 bullsh*t I've yet to conform to. But I still have my inner boundaries regarding:

- what's acceptable on message boards
- what's acceptable on IM and other real-time chat systems
- what's acceptable on blogs
- what's acceptable in email

--- groink

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Post by Puppet Princess » Nov 2nd, '07, 21:22

Nope, not just you. This thread should have been a blog entry or a personal message to someone the writer knows. Posting in a public forum like this to a bunch of strangers who don't know you and shouldn't care is an obvious attempt at attention.

So, angeldaimon, there really is no point to bring a dead and pointless topic back to life.

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Post by risjenny » Nov 2nd, '07, 22:11

are you serious??? come on, its the 21st century...!! arranged marriage and stuff belong to 2 generations ago at least...
..you should be able to choose the one you love, not parents to arrange for you.. if you dont love someone from the start, whats the meaning of marrying the someone?
defintion from my side of marriage is to make a bond btw the 2 people, making the love stronger btw people...
well, when you start a discussion about arranged marriage, which is very unsual these days, you can guarantee that someone will critise you..

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Post by ginny_lunallena » Nov 27th, '07, 07:17

risjenny wrote:are you serious??? come on, its the 21st century...!! arranged marriage and stuff belong to 2 generations ago at least...
..you should be able to choose the one you love, not parents to arrange for you.. if you dont love someone from the start, whats the meaning of marrying the someone?
defintion from my side of marriage is to make a bond btw the 2 people, making the love stronger btw people...
well, when you start a discussion about arranged marriage, which is very unsual these days, you can guarantee that someone will critise you..
up to her, dontcha think?

but yeah, i'd hate it if my parents chose my bf, that **** isnt their business

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Post by Hitokiri_Johndoesai » Nov 27th, '07, 07:38

Arranged marriage is not very common in western culture anymore, but for the rest of the world, it is a very important social event. Don't think of it badly, there are many couples who marry and live happily through an arranged marriage.

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Post by cutekid » Nov 27th, '07, 12:55

i thought this thread was long, long, long, long, long, long been dead and was locked by the mod because of some remarks made by the author...

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Post by jholic » Nov 28th, '07, 00:52

arranged marriage or not, this thread certainly gave people something to talk about. ten pages worth.

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Post by dabogy » Jul 15th, '09, 03:07

its a mixed emotion actually, excited who's gonna be and at the same time afraid that they might backed out if they saw me..maybe, i hate to be in this situation

andy.plain
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more than 10 pages ... blahbla

Post by andy.plain » Nov 11th, '09, 06:47

:whistling: Actually i know a chinese woman that got married after their parents brings her full chinese husband from china :lol

So, yeah, it is true. There is still some ranma stories at this very moment http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranma_%C2%BD

:thumleft:

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arrange marriage is not bad !!!

Post by bluestruckmonkey » Nov 26th, '09, 18:32

good luck to the poster, I hope everything is going well for you

As for the objectors, there is nothing wrong with arranged marriage. It does not matter whether a marriage is arranged or love, what matters is that you get the right person :-) .

bye bye,
peace :thumright:

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