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Anyone care to translate women hidden meanings.

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merou
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Anyone care to translate women hidden meanings.

Post by merou » Feb 12th, '08, 01:44

Hello all,
I am a bit slow when it comes to subtle or hidden things women hint at. Recently I caught up with an old highschool friend, we go way back, hahaha, I considered her my academic rival, I always admired and liked her. She has a boyfriend and the usual so Im not intervening, but she text or calls me telling me what seems random to me, so I have no idea. Like yesterday, asked me if I could cook, and said noone would marry her because she is a bad cook, or that she wants someone to help her with her college work, or give her a massage, I really didnt bother with it, since she has a boyfriend. And then she keeps talking about how she hates being lonely, or just random stuff like "it's totally amazing outside!!!" There are things I want to tell her, but I hold back, it would be selfish, and inappropriate since she is seeing someone, as hard as it is. Maybe I want to think she is interested, or maybe she is? I have no idea. Or sometimes we might just talk on the phone for hours, and it seems like I dont know, we always ask each other, if we are bothering each other when we call or text. I remember once she texted me all day, lol, that was kinda crazy, until she actually went to bed. Im thinking maybe I should do something for valentines day for her, but I would hate to look like an @$$, I thought maybe a meaningful poem, but nah that is too weird, or maybe I can sing a song and play my guitar, but that would be too much. For some odd reason, everytime I invite her to things, I don't know, she seems to ignore me. So im getting mixed signals. haha. I

Kaitoz
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Post by Kaitoz » Feb 12th, '08, 02:08

Dunno, when she mentioned that she hates being lonely you could've asked her "Why lonely, didn't you have a boyfriend", although at this point it probably would be rude to her... To me she seems interested in you, but you say she ignores her if you take initiative, so maybe she has problems with her bf and:
1) either wants another one
2) needs a break and someone to talk properly to (which could eventually bring to 1))
or 3) which I can't think of right now, but might later

In any case I think it'd be nice of you if you really do something for her on Valentine's Day. My suggestion would probably seem pretty ordinary, but flowers is the best option. Since you don't know her exact feelings for you, flowers could have double meaning - since they are nothing too fancy, they could be just common courtesy of your side, since you're a guy and she's a girl, or/and show your interest in her. Just observe how she reacts to that. Besides ALL girls like flowers.

battlegirlai
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Post by battlegirlai » Feb 12th, '08, 02:14

well, first and foremost, she has a boyfriend...so i'd say assume that she's not interested until she expressly says so. safer for you...and safer for her. if she'd rather have you for a boyfriend then she needs to take active steps and either talk to you about it or break up with her boyfriend...but if she isn't romantically interested in you, then you won't have made things weird for her by making romantic gestures to her.

most girls have no problem having guys as friends. they don't think of them in a romantic sense, they are just someone to talk to and hang out with like any of their female friends. and if someone will listen to our random ramblings, then we ramble at them. it doesn't have to indicate a romantic interest. sometimes its just rambling.

i agree with Kaitoz that the flowers might be a good way to subtly test how she feels if you want to be more proactive. don't do roses. something small and colorful...something that says "sweet" more than "romance", ya know? you don't want to weird her out if it turns out she's not romantically interested.

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merou
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Post by merou » Feb 12th, '08, 03:33

Well I just got another call from her, just random stuff, I dont know why, but I get the feelin she wants to tell me something, nothing about going out or anything, but maybe someting else. I dunno

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AliceFrye
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Post by AliceFrye » Feb 12th, '08, 03:52

WARNING: PSYCHOBITCH ALERT!

I'm old, and I tend to view things through the prism of much experience, so I might be out of touch. But my radar says that this girl is playing games.

True, maybe her bf doesn't pay enough attention to her, or
Things may not be ideal with their relationship, etc.
However, an honest person doesn't shop around while continuing in an ongoing relationship. If the thrill is gone, you find a way to express that without causing pain to the other party, or you apply the cowardly fallback position, which is to behave like an absolute jerk so that your current commitment is glad to be rid of you. ;-)

For Valentine's Day, I would suggest a card or a note that says, "I really enjoy your friendship, and if you were MY girlfriend, you'd be reading this card over a wonderful dinner at a nice restaurant."

I think that gets the point across without leaving you too vulnerable. She needs to make up her mind and act on her true feelings. You should probably be less available until that time, too.

battlegirlai
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Post by battlegirlai » Feb 12th, '08, 04:40

merou: if you think she's trying to tell you something, just ask her flat out "is something wrong? it seems like something is up".

crazyoldlady: i dunno, i wouldn't want to just instantly think the girl is playing games even if its quite possible. i think its just too easy to see signals where there aren't any. for guys and for girls. considering someone a friend and talking to them often doesn't necessarily mean they want to be romantic. i agree with you that he shouldn't make himself too available to this girl so often tho. going out with other friends or girls would be the best thing. he hopefully will find someone that isn't afraid to say "i like you" and/or show the girl that he's not always gonna be her backup affection-giver (if thats truly what she uses him for).

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Desiderata
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Post by Desiderata » Feb 12th, '08, 04:52

CrazyOldLady wrote:WARNING: PSYCHOBITCH ALERT!

I'm old, and I tend to view things through the prism of much experience, so I might be out of touch. But my radar says that this girl is playing games.
I'm not that old, but I agree with this statement. She's shopping for extra attention and stringing you and the boyfriend along to do it. She needs to say what she wants and be done with it. The cutesy stuff you describe is setting you up as the faux boyfriend--that guy she isn't dating, but who has emotional obligations to her. That type of situation puts you in the least advantageous position if you're actually interested in her. The way you've set up this story, if she is hinting about leaving her guy, I would have serious concerns about her fickleness.

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merou
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Post by merou » Feb 14th, '08, 04:36

You know, Ive known her since we were 13, and I dont think she is using me, in a menacingly way, and if she is just using me as an emotional cushion, I dont think she is doing it on purpose. BTW, any tips on how to approach her, gonna give her a nice flower for tomorrow, except, everytime I take the initiative she basically hides, so I wouldnt know how. Maybe call her up and tell her I have some flowers for her? lol

yieebo
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Post by yieebo » Feb 16th, '08, 03:24

Just ask what's up with all that? i knew a girl who came into where i used to work years ago, i hadn't seen her in a lonnnng time (since high school), she was married but that didn't stop her from giving me a card of some sort (can't remember, Valentines Day etc...) she basically wanted to "fool around". She used to come around to where i worked and wait, trying to entice me into some affair lol, but alas... i have "scruples" haha and besides she wasn't that hot, it would have been a sleazy ordeal and God knows what it would have lead to.

If she's in a relationship, i don't think it matters... sounds like she's unhappy and the guys too busy with lame stuff like XBOX360 lol. Tell her you have a PS3 and just bought a new Blu-ray movie you could watch together, that's the type of nerd you are, high class technerd with a rocket in your pocket destined for Venus LOL.

Daijoubu
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Post by Daijoubu » Feb 16th, '08, 03:53

I hope he didn't get her flowers. That just tells her so he's interested yet he knows nothing about what she's thinking. I think he's best off playing back the cold-shoulder and and see how she reacts.

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merou
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Post by merou » Feb 16th, '08, 08:04

Nerd with ps3, nah, I wish I had the time to do that, but Im in school, I work, and if im not doing that im playing tennis, and that leaves no time for such things. Yeah, I pretty much ignored her, and kinda weird, but she calls me more often, but I ignore it. I knew the flower thing would have been kind of stupid. I will just see how it works from there.

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Star-Bolt
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Post by Star-Bolt » Feb 16th, '08, 12:44

I can only say this. If she is still in a relationship, you should not approach her. She is the one whom must settle things with her actual bf. If the relationship doesnt work, she has to finnish it.

If you want to be the third party you can be hurt:

1) If she doesnt break her relationship it means she doesnt love you and is playing with you.
2) If she breaks her relationship and go with you, you will never have the enought trust on her because she can be dating anyone else without telling you after a time hanging out with the other. Just like she is doing now with you.

An aditional advice. If she breaks with her bf, dont date her inmediately. She can be emotionaly vulnerable and easy to date with. You wait until she recovers and you will be sure about her feelings.

The ideal thing is falling in love with a single girl. But the love doesnt work as one thought ^^u

nankasento
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Post by nankasento » May 17th, '08, 17:28

She is playing games that doesn't necessary have to be something bad, it depends on how well you play.
Depending on which "cards" you play you can get some interesting results from them.

I enjoy playing games and it includes these kind of games, I'm going to make use of game terminalogy because that's my field and hopefully it makes sense ;D

What you described her doing in the beginning is a technique called foreshadowing, which means to provide a vague or suggestive implication of a future event through means of selective partial information.
We use this in games a lot to keep the player going forward, for example have the player see a building in the background, like a lighthouse, and then later have the player actually go there and explore the lighthouse x amount of levels further in the game. This is a very simple example but it comes in various forms of information.
Using your conversation with her, elements that come to mind are, her not able to cook, if your a good cook and giving a massage. In abstract, there's a need, a solution and there's a reward.
Giving a massage is a reward, it's the same as an in-game animation and / or transistion animation, you don't get more points for it so it won't increase your highscore or whatever but you get to see this awesome animation because you played the game this far.
In otherwords, if you cook me something nice I allow you to rub my body with your bare hands, for some that's probably a very nice reward for the effort in the solution, took cook something delicous.

You decided to play with your ignoring / giving her the cold shoulder action. (Playing hard to get)
Since it's a classic cat and mouse play, it's not really odd that she's calling even more and she'll probably increase that over time, it's a challange to her and from the foreshadowing we can already tell she is wanting to play.

I think this is a very good card you have played, better than the flower, because buying flowers is giving in or in other words, she's winning and I don't think she's interested in winning, she interested in playing, she already has won (her boyfriend).

From her point of view, you are a paradigm shift, an extreme shift in condition or rhythm that challanged safety. It's a method to create tension, others replying to this topic also have caught onto this, her comment we can deduct this from is being lonely (even though she has a boyfriend) and your a way to create tension or in other words, excitement.

Since I don't have all the data I can't say if you can or can't get a meaningful relationship out of this, because a big factor is her current boyfriend and how he is treating her but playing another of those cards and you can get some action out of it for sure, it all depends on what your objectives are.

I say you are in the best position because you have the least risk, the only thing you'll loose if it goes wrong is the "friendship" of "a girl" while she has the "friendship" of "a guy" and the relationship with her boyfriend at stake.
So have fun playing the game, use it as a nice experiment for yourself, the maximum amount of damage you can do is a break up between her and her boyfriend and a girl who will dislike you but hey, it's her own fault she started this game, the guy will also be pissed as well because he has been played and that's never a nice feeling but hopefully he'll come to his senses and know that it's her fault and not yours because if she can't play with you she'll find someone else to play with.

I hope you hit it, make plix and show her boyfriend afterwards that would be an end game state, from what you've been telling on how it's going that is possible.

There's plenty of fish in the sea and much better ones than this one.

Asellus
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Post by Asellus » May 18th, '08, 00:50

I'd say treat the signals as her just blabbing and treat her as a normal friend. Don't avoid her. Do casual small talk or something when she says that kind of stuff. It'll keep you out of trouble. If you're serious about her, it's the best way to not screw stuff up. Also, she'll realize you're not going to play her game if that's what she's trying to do, then maybe wisen up and make up her mind.

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zyrene
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Post by zyrene » May 18th, '08, 10:49

Just wanna know the update merou..... hows it going between you and the girl now... 8)

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zhinsara
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Post by zhinsara » May 19th, '08, 05:27

just ask her how is she and her bf. make it like a small reminder that she has a bf cause it would be pretty ugly if her bf knows about this. it is not going to be good for both sides! so keep it simple unless she is single!

ryc3
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Post by ryc3 » May 22nd, '08, 01:56

Women are like Japanese People they won't tell you anything about you being bad or anything.

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Cub
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Post by Cub » May 24th, '08, 14:12

I hate to say this, but most probably she's just making use of you to pass time. Or "training" you to be a backup in case she and her boyfriend doesn't work out.

I've done this before, thus it's easy for me to recognise.

Then again, I might be wrong.

Chris_Paul
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Post by Chris_Paul » May 26th, '08, 04:35

she might have possibly placed you in her "friend zone", but it doesnt seem like her relationship is strong b/c she says shes lonely and texts you all day, if she has a bf, y doesnt she go to him? right?

merou2
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Post by merou2 » Jun 5th, '08, 05:33

yo yo yo, yeah, sry, i havent kept up with this thread, but yeah, totally, yeah, ive been to busy with work, and just hanging out with friends, yeah, Im just trying to not think about her, but she always calls, especially during basketball games, since we both love basketball, im just going with the i dont care attitude, i guess i just dont have time for games. My life is picking up pace, so I really dont have time for relationship I was seeking, but hell if it could still work, I still have that glimmer of hope, whos knows. I will keep ya updated.

merou2
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Post by merou2 » Jul 6th, '08, 07:42

dude, this chick is now texting/calling me at like 2am and 5am for e.g.

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McYume
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Post by McYume » Jul 6th, '08, 08:23

I think you better turn off your phone for the nights..:P
If you don't want anything from her then first: tell her straight not to call you..if she still bother you then ignore her calls/texts and sooner or later she will get bored and leave you alone..
If you like her then tell her that and get an answer from her!

mimmi
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Post by mimmi » Jul 8th, '08, 04:40

@merou2....sorry to say this, but there is no hidden subtle meaning....only your mind wants it to be....I'll explain it later when I have time. So turn off your phone if you don't want to be bother that late at night :-)...

Ok here it is, you said she's your academy rival back then, so she also sees you as a smart, intelligent guy and respected you for that....that's why she wants your help with her lessons....she also wants to be your friend, whom she can talk to and will be able to understand her, so she confides in you sometimes....you should be glad that she put you on her list as a comfortable friend that she can talk to and just running off her emotion and needs, because she sees you as an intelligent and trusted person that she's able to be relax with and chatted with, you know what I mean....have a good day :-)....

mimmi
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Post by mimmi » Jul 13th, '08, 17:42

now I reedited my comment, and ootori Kyouya....dreams are nice but they are just dreams sometimes in this case, you already know the reasons....so it's nice to be dreaming and good to know that your moving on with your life, just be brave and tell her straight that you don't want to be bother by her anymore if you don't want her to bother you....

merou2
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New window?

Post by merou2 » Aug 8th, '08, 04:04

update

I know its kind of stupid posting stuff like this online, but my friends are far from mature. Recently my crush has broken up with her boyfriend, she got an email from the guy saying he wanted out. All my friends said now was my chance, but I don't want too. It would be stupid taking advantage of a heart-broken girl, I know I will try and console but not approach her. And now, IM not the kind of guy you assume, the nerd with no girls, I have a few girls who like me, but they don't matter, my mind is elsewhere with her. Is this my opportune moment? My moment to shine? Her knight? Or would I be her rebound, something I don't want to become, Im thinking just in helping her out, not taking initiative. After all she is a great friend. Will update..... :unsure: And for those thinking this is an infatuation, far from it. This girl means the world to me. Even if I try to ignore her and get over her. And the bad thing is that she moves permanently in 1 week, so Im on a tight schedule, im in desperate need of help, this is so stupid, the way things have turned out. Its now or never. I just don't want things to end this way, I constantly think of her, even when she had a boyfriend, I held back, I don't want to be that jerk who steals a her from a boyfriend, but one whom sweeps her off her feet. If i let her go now, its over, but I can't at the same time, I dont want to things to end like this. All I can do is wait until the last day.

Asellus
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Post by Asellus » Aug 9th, '08, 12:33

Is she moving far away? Can you guys still meet occasionally to hang out when she moves?

merou2
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Post by merou2 » Aug 10th, '08, 01:40

Asellus wrote:Is she moving far away? Can you guys still meet occasionally to hang out when she moves?

I don't know, I think its like a 4 hour drive, but yeup, she called me out of nowhere this morning, and she wanted me to meet her at some bar, so who knows what shes thinking.

ackirom
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Post by ackirom » Aug 12th, '08, 09:20

OMG dude, so what happened??? Update! Update!!!!

It's already been 3 days and I've been pre-occupied with the Olympics.

The way I see it...she just broke up with her bf, dude ~ translation: vulnerable and susceptible mentally, as well as emotionally. You say she means the world to you, so you should think about how she's feeling first before thinking about how you're gonna miss your final chance. She's gonna be sad and even more lonely, maybe, now that she's alone. I've read every single post in this entire thread, and my mind says she's not interested in you, but my gut tells me otherwise. Then again, my gut told me I was gonna win the lotter this weekend :glare:

merou2
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Post by merou2 » Aug 12th, '08, 21:20

ackirom wrote:OMG dude, so what happened??? Update! Update!!!!

It's already been 3 days and I've been pre-occupied with the Olympics.

The way I see it...she just broke up with her bf, dude ~ translation: vulnerable and susceptible mentally, as well as emotionally. You say she means the world to you, so you should think about how she's feeling first before thinking about how you're gonna miss your final chance. She's gonna be sad and even more lonely, maybe, now that she's alone. I've read every single post in this entire thread, and my mind says she's not interested in you, but my gut tells me otherwise. Then again, my gut told me I was gonna win the lotter this weekend :glare:
Didnt know anyone was really into this, lol should have started a blog, But I would like to say thank you guys for all your input, and I would like to end this forum. I now believe in happy endings, as I talked to her, she now knows how I really feel about her. I told her, that I needed to talk with her, and she said what was it. I guess it wasnt as obvious as it seemed. So I told her how I felt. And we came to an honest compromise, she also shared a similar interest, but since she is still moving, we can still see each other. No more drunk nights for me, or depressing nights. For those of you who have similar situations! Please take initiative, don't wonder what could have been! Do it, even if it feels stupid. It was soo funny how it happened, the night at the bar, nothing happened, I didnt say anything, we just talked, but it was the day after work. I was at work at the office like usual, tie/suit, the usual, and i just left, and called her up. And we met up and talked, thats how it happened. The crazy things I do, hahahaha. Thanks everyone for listening. It was funny, we met at the park near our downtown, and we played some basketball, hahaha, tie and all, I could see my office from the court too. Of course, I lied and told my boss I had to see my doctor. But im glad i took that chance. It doesnt matter what you look like, I thought she would never would have any interest in me, you would be surprised what attitude can do to ya, after all who would want my ugly mugg, hahaha, if u want to look, i posted my pic somewhere around here, hahaha. Its all about attitude, the fattest or nerdiest person can get anyone they want, its all about your confidence! :D Until next time.
Last edited by merou2 on Aug 12th, '08, 23:36, edited 1 time in total.

Asellus
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Post by Asellus » Aug 12th, '08, 21:30

Congrats. Take it easy.

ackirom
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Post by ackirom » Aug 13th, '08, 06:17

Aww....

Yay!!!!! :clap: Me likes the ending!!

I agree with Asellus. Now you can rest easy, but not too easy!! Else she'll wander off and tell someone else she's bored and lonely :wink:

P.S. Oh, and I wasn't keeping track or anything. I just happen to be bored last night, pissed off I missesd out on the 8gb thumb drive on sale for $19.99 @ OfficeMax, so I blew off some steam and read your thread for an entire half hour :lol

RockStarrr
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Post by RockStarrr » Sep 12th, '08, 19:10

She might have a boyfriend now, but maybe you're the one on her mind.. afterall- you're the one who goes way back with her ;) Or maybe she's just messing with your mind- but, well you'll never know until you make the first move, eh?

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han_mei
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hmmm

Post by han_mei » Sep 14th, '08, 16:21

One question I have is: merou, why are you now answering using merou2? The way you're writing is also different from your original posts. I doubt its really you, and the person replying now is only a troll.

merou2
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Re: hmmm

Post by merou2 » Sep 14th, '08, 17:24

han_mei wrote:One question I have is: merou, why are you now answering using merou2? The way you're writing is also different from your original posts. I doubt its really you, and the person replying now is only a troll.
well you see about that...... :lol (runs off)

Im kidding, yeah, I hadnt logged in for some time using my old account, and when i tried logging in it would just refresh without logging me in, so I figured i must have forgotten my password, so i requested a new password, but even that didnt work. I think my old account didnt work so im assuming its gone since it had been inactive, but who knows. So I got a new account similar to this one. :thumleft: But if you dont believe that, its cool, because Im me, merou or merou2, but I cant log in to my old account, so im now merou2!! woo! If ya don't believe me, you can look at old post ive made, and its pretty consistant, and I dont know what a "troll" is, but im assuming its someone pretending to be someone else? :blink Oh! and ive posted my pics under merou and merou2, same guy, so its me for sure yo. :salut:

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