Love on the internet

weekleyt · Post by **weekleyt** » May 11th, '08, 14:17

Hey everyone.
I'm new here to the site.

I noticed this relationships forum and thought I'd ask what people's opinions about meeting people on the internet.

I live in Australia and a few months ago met a Japanese girl over the internet. We haven't met in person yet, but we both really like each other. I've spoken to a few friends about it and they think its becoming more normal these days.

What do people here think about it?

Néa Vanille · Post by **Néa Vanille** » May 11th, '08, 14:39

I generally think that finding love on the internet is a good method, although as with all methods of courtship it isn't without big flaws.

Good things about love on the internet: the lack of visuals to distract you really allows you to listen to what the person has to SAY. Getting hundreds of hours of conversation under your belt is essential before you can seriously fall in love with anyone, and you can very easily get these on the internet. A lot of people make the mistake of falling into a relationship too hastily, tending to burn the relationship out quickly. With the distance constraint in internet dating, you are forced to take it slower, which results in a better success rate.

The big drawback is, of course, the distance. I'd say that unless you or her are planning on permanently moving to the other person's country in the foreseeable future, it's probably not worth doing it.

I met my bf on the internet, too. He's Korean and we met while I was back home and preparing to move to Korea, so we met after about 4 months of chatting and started dating 2 days after meeting because we already knew each other so well, there was little hesitation (and it turned out to be justified). However, if I hadn't already been planning on moving to Korea, I can't see how it would have worked out long-term.

Best of luck.

weekleyt · Post by **weekleyt** » May 12th, '08, 03:57

Hey, thanks for your opinion.

I think I agree with you.
I talk with her every morning before work and at night before going to bed. I have gotten to know her really well.
I think thats why I started to like her. We know more about each other than I have with previous girlfriend I had.

Yeah, I'm planning on going to Japan in December. Still quite a while to go.
But we are both really looking forward to meeting. If things go well, then we plan to get more serious.

slowmoe · Post by **slowmoe** » May 12th, '08, 17:33

@weekleyt....congrats man....chatting hooking up with girls on the internet is easy imo....save time and money going to places finding girls....sometimes girls are more open to talk about things online than in person i think....but yea theres always pros and cons meeting people online....i experienced both....goodluck with your girl...peace.....

zippyflu · Post by **zippyflu** » May 14th, '08, 10:04

good for u, hope everything stays good... Long distance is hard.. just make sure she isnt butt!!(no im not being shallow im being very very serious) some ppl lie about small stuff.. like how old they are, where they were last nite.. or how they look.

i personally cant do long distance cuz i need the physical-ality.. not just sex.. the touchin and the holding.. but thats just me.. have fun wit urs

docipain · Post by **docipain** » May 14th, '08, 10:18

oh yes...this topic...it has always pros and cons....in my opinion..well...I had such a relationship too years ago...though it was more like that he fel for me nd we met only two times in that time period until I broke up because on the net I never had the feeling of loving him. Those two times were lovely though.

Hmm right now there is a similar case but this time it's different...the distance is a little bit bigger but not that much (Berlin <------> Austria) but this time we both are seriously in love and will spend some time together in summer. I have already seen this person two times though but in that time it was only based on friendship. THat's why I am a little afraid that it turns out different when we meet again....but well yeah...finding the love on the internet is definitely possible although you never can be sure if the person is the same in reality. I mean the thoughts the person has are the same but in which way he/she conveys it....you never know if it's the same you are in love with....
another con is the desire...the desire of being with this person..it's kind of painful because you know it is not possible to say "Oh I am right there in 2 hours" or whatever..V-v
And I am still unsure if it has future....unless one of them is moving closer.

but whatever...there is always a chance...so I also wish much luck

weekleyt · Post by **weekleyt** » May 17th, '08, 12:17

Hey.

Thanks for your opnion's everyone.
I think i kind agree with everyone here.

@slowme
yeah, your right about them being more open on the internet. Even wher I didn't know her well she would often ask for my advice and talk to me about rather personal things. But I guess that also shows that she trust's me.

@zippyflu
i agree with you too. i know my girl isnt lieing about her age or what she looks like, but sometimes i have my concerns about what she does sometimes. I want to trust her but from some things she has told me about what has happened in the past, i sometimes find it difficult.

@docipain
Yeah. you said many things which are true for my situation. We know that we both like each other and how we communicate when talking on email or chat, but we are both afraid about what will happen when we are able to meet,

Also, it is definantly painful about being so far apart. Things at home and school havent been going well for me lately so im often feeling kinda depressed and maybe a bit lonely. So when i talk with her, we both say how we wish we could just go to each others house or something, but we know its not possible.

Long distance relationships are definalty hard work...but i really like this girl so im hoping that we can make it last until i am able to go to her.

thanks again for all your opinions and support.
I also wish you luck to everyone who is in the same sort of situation

oovanillaoo · Post by **oovanillaoo** » May 19th, '08, 02:08

Well... I wouldn't use the internet as a method to find your lover on the net, but coincidentally I found mine over the net.

I think it's safe you really found a nice person, but if you're really unlucky, that person may be very dangerous and have bad intentions to you (you know...)

The person I met one was over a game, and we've been together for more than 2 years. During these years it was TOUGH I tell you... You can't hug your lover when you feel sad/happy, you can't see the person whenever you want, when you're having a fight you can't talk things out in person... But as long your love is strong things DO work =)
In my case, we travel back and forth and I'm going to marry him soon! I'm immigrating to his country and I hope we can work things out after marriage ^^

Good luck to you!!!

Love is powerful~

zhinsara · Post by **zhinsara** » May 19th, '08, 05:09

haha. i think love over the net is cute. seriously

i found my first love through the net, then we meet up in church and it sparks

but we did not last long cause he was unfaithful. it lasted us for 3 years. still, i strongly encourage you to go for it! there is nothing to lose right? and if you two are really together, then faster get married

:D:D

weekleyt · Post by **weekleyt** » May 19th, '08, 13:04

@oovanillaoo

Yeah. It is important to know that they have good intention and not some one who plans on doing something dangerous.
I wish you good luck with you guy! I hope you have a happy marriage

@zhinsara

Hehe, you think it's cute? I haven't heard someone call it cute before. lol
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
Yeah, I'm moving to her town in December and hopefully if it goes well we will live together.
Haha, actually, even though we have never met, sometimes we do talk about marriage hehe

dabogy · Post by **dabogy** » Jul 15th, '09, 03:21

its normal and it happens everywhere..some become couples and now they're married and stay together happy.

Tetsuz · Post by **Tetsuz** » Oct 19th, '09, 09:06

doubt it would work.. a lot of people act different on the internet

Néa Vanille · Post by **Néa Vanille** » Oct 20th, '09, 04:05

Tetsuz wrote:doubt it would work.. a lot of people act different on the internet

Do you think that's such a bad thing? I find that while, yes, a lot of people act differently on the internet, they do so because they can show more of their true nature there. Writing an intimate confession is easier than saying one.

Your experience may differ.

Tetsuz · Post by **Tetsuz** » Oct 20th, '09, 05:34

nah people act different you get like some guy that always get bullied at school that tries to bully people on internet and stuff it's just that.. people on internet arent who they are

OnlyWish · Post by **OnlyWish** » Oct 20th, '09, 06:20

people do act differently online... in an "online relationship" they may say they're ok with certain things and seem all accepting, perfect, loving, totally compatible with you... then in person it's another story. they might change their mind or just be weird and different from how you envisioned them.

i think it only works when you meet each other and spend time in person. the online part helps with getting to know them at first, but actually spending time together lets you see how they are, their habits, getting closer and connecting more in reality...

well good luck, hope it works out with your friend in japan :]

Néa Vanille · Post by **Néa Vanille** » Oct 20th, '09, 15:19

Tetsuz wrote:nah people act different you get like some guy that always get bullied at school that tries to bully people on internet and stuff it's just that.. people on internet arent who they are

It depends on the person for sure. Personally, I feel like the person my online friends know is much closer to the 'real' me, because I'm able to say and express things that I never could to my IRL friends because of social acceptance and how embarrassing it is to say. Even now, I still chat every day with my bf even though we also meet regularly because there's just so many things we can both express better online.

Looking at websites like youtube or 4chan and the partly unbelievable comments there, it just seems to back up my theory that being anonymous on the internet allows people to say what they really think beyond political correctness and beyond fears of repercussions.

It's a most fascinating topic for academic studies, certainly.

lynchmob72 · Post by **lynchmob72** » Oct 20th, '09, 15:25

So .. to the OP. Did it work out, since you posted almost a year ago? Just curious.

Tetsuz · Post by **Tetsuz** » Oct 20th, '09, 20:21

but if a couple on the internet decide to make things serious like meet in real life, imo i reckon things might get a little dodgy... like you might be seeing the other person for the first time and you would kinda reject him thinking that that's not him from the way he talks on the internet

huycha04 · Post by **huycha04** » Nov 29th, '09, 06:51

love on the internet is hard to find.
Only one of my friends found love, that was really special

other than that. no on else did

RainingWendy · Post by **RainingWendy** » Dec 18th, '09, 07:04

Love in the internet is hard to find. Mainly when the person becomes close to you and even though they are close they are so far. And none of you want to admit what you feel because the issues of : Distance and the friendship probably ending may rise more than if you ignore it and finally meet. Also, it's hard to really trust someone you never seen even though you talked to this person for hours at a time, you don't know how they will react from hearing about things about love.

I found a lot of special people on the internet and we had very close relationships, like my online friends are closer than my family at times. I met a lot of online friends in real life and I met a few friends who turned into my boyfriends with time, but it didn't work out not because I met them online but because they weren't the right type of person. It doesn't mean because you mean the person face 2 face that the result will be a match made in heaven, same goes for the internet doesn't mean because you met them online that they are a match made in hell or something.

Most of my relationships are online or were started online, I have issues with meeting people face to face and being talkative in the start. Someone mentioned before that written word is like a confession stronger than spoken word. For me that holds true since I really suck at first impressions, hense online love/ relationships really work for me.

And yes they are getting more common now but the huge problem is distance and practically confessing to the feelings because to some people they may sound impossible to happen. Even if you both may feel it there may be something of a denial because of not wanting to deal with the distance and the dificulties.

jennigirl · Post by **jennigirl** » Jan 2nd, '10, 20:16

bomber1122 · Post by **bomber1122** » Jan 13th, '10, 12:19

It does work but not for many. Used mainly to DATE and get used to the dating game, but talking about a relationship not really, but it does happen

Mythrel · Post by **Mythrel** » Jan 17th, '10, 18:41

I met my girlfriend online

It was one of those dating sites, although that's not why I joined(they had fun quizzes)

. We talked for a few weeks online then it progressed to calling until we ended up meeting. It didn't go as well at first as I thought, but we became an official couple a few months later and it's been smooth sailing since. My GF's sister just recently met a guy online and they are hitting it off in real life too lately.

I have lost a good friend who I met online though we used to spend tons of time playing games and chatting, ended up moving out here and he hasn't spoken to me since. It's like being around each other in real life isn't what he wanted, even though he was the big push for my move. Sucks when you think of someone like family and they turn around and forget you

.

SeraEris · Post by **SeraEris** » Jan 22nd, '10, 10:52

I met my first and only boyfriend i ever had from the net.
from the "tagged" where I had a profile there and he liked the books I had read so he talked to me.

We talked for 6 months until we met, he was exactly as I have expected him to be

we got together for few months Until I ended it. [nothing was wrong with him though, I am just not the kind of girl for relationships and such]

most ppl are afraid of meeting others through internet because is easier to lie.
well if a person is a liar they don't need internet to lie.

ackirom · Post by **ackirom** » Feb 8th, '10, 00:30

Tetsuz has a really good point. It's just "different" online.

OnlyWish wrote:people do act differently online... in an "online relationship" they may say they're ok with certain things and seem all accepting, perfect, loving, totally compatible with you... then in person it's another story. they might change their mind or just be weird and different from how you envisioned them.

And I totally agree with that statement. I myself, am guilty of having a "change of heart". I met this guy online. I ended up chatting with him a lot. I grew to like him. The way he acted in chat rooms, I think he liked me first. I said I didn't care about looks and all, but as soon as he showed me his pic (we didn't exchange until like 1 yr later), umm, I kind of retreated. My roommates saw him too, and when they laughed and graded him a 3 out of 10, it made me feel.. well it made me wanna just be friends. I know I'm really bad for saying this, but it's the truth. It's easy to get to know people online because you're literally only getting to know each other's mind and personality. But there is also a danger of saying things like, "I don't care about this and that" when in reality you do, even if only a little bit. The internet is great, and it's easy to hit it off if you both look "ok and above" but when one isn't exactly the way you imagined it, it makes things awkward, and the time it takes to grow to like each other in real life is hindered by the other's hurt feelings and the other's lack of motivation to pursue the relationship. Well, from my experience anyway.

BabyV.O.X4Eva · Post by **BabyV.O.X4Eva** » Jun 9th, '10, 04:53

Your guys replies give me so much hope! I never wanted to date over the internet but for me its just happened. I do believe we have something special but he lives across the country i do have hope now thanks to y'all =] I'm happy to come across this thread!

kimutaku144 · Post by **kimutaku144** » Jun 9th, '10, 06:11

ackirom wrote: And I totally agree with that statement. I myself, am guilty of having a "change of heart". I met this guy online. I ended up chatting with him a lot. I grew to like him. The way he acted in chat rooms, I think he liked me first. I said I didn't care about looks and all, but as soon as he showed me his pic (we didn't exchange until like 1 yr later), umm, I kind of retreated. My roommates saw him too, and when they laughed and graded him a 3 out of 10, it made me feel.. well it made me wanna just be friends. I know I'm really bad for saying this, but it's the truth. It's easy to get to know people online because you're literally only getting to know each other's mind and personality. But there is also a danger of saying things like, "I don't care about this and that" when in reality you do, even if only a little bit. The internet is great, and it's easy to hit it off if you both look "ok and above" but when one isn't exactly the way you imagined it, it makes things awkward, and the time it takes to grow to like each other in real life is hindered by the other's hurt feelings and the other's lack of motivation to pursue the relationship. Well, from my experience anyway.

phew... I'm with you. I did the same, I kinda put off after saw his picture. I'm not a very attractive person myself, but I can not justify try to liking him when I already don't like his looks. I know it sound shallow, but I can't help it. Since then I don't want to get close with guys from the net ever again, I don't want to cause people unnecessary pains with my attitude.

It's different if someone you meet in real life with so-so look, since I can get to know the person personally, or as we get to know each other there's no obligation more than become a friend (sorry if I sound going round and round).

my two cents.

Ameerkat · Post by **Ameerkat** » Jun 13th, '10, 01:17

I think this only works if you're looking for a penpal, otherwise how do you really know who ou're talking to? It's so easy to find a natural looking picture over myspace or something and claim that's you, when you could be talking to ANYONE.
I'll give you enough credit and won't suggest you'd allow yourself to be manipulated, but the anonymity of the internet means you can also pretend anything you want.
Sorry if that was too negative but thats my stance when it comes to internet relationships.

Dird · Post by **Dird** » Jun 24th, '10, 22:45

I like to use the quote "Internet dating - the odds are good but the goods are odd" and think to a thread i read about a guy going to visit a girl in romania/other east euro nation who was crazy

Simply, a long distance relationship isn't a relationship. It only becomes normal for the strange. If you were to class her as your internet girlfriend then you're seriously messed up (its different where you've been dating then one moves away). If you're moving to japan for a long time then ok...you could meet then if she turns out to be weird/a dude IRL then you have 80million other jap women to prowl through. If its just a holiday then hit it & move on...ideally with pics/vids

Gir · Post by **Gir** » Jun 24th, '10, 23:14

Internet dating

unique001 · Post by **unique001** » Jun 25th, '10, 19:54

i do not believe in in internet dating. It must be a scam.

annesue · Post by **annesue** » Jun 28th, '10, 14:40

Gir wrote:Internet dating

i love your comic! it's just so adorable!

i'm not for or against finding love on the internet, but i do believe that anything is possible!

PorcelainDoll · Post by **PorcelainDoll** » Aug 19th, '10, 03:01

i usually meet people on the internet as well. i don't go out a lot. HARDLY. but that's just me. i met my crush over myspace :p i like meeting new people on the internet. but i do see them after we meet ^.^

tathanhthientu · Post by **tathanhthientu** » Aug 27th, '10, 03:57

i agree with you.

BlueHeartPhoenix · Post by **BlueHeartPhoenix** » Sep 14th, '10, 09:52

I think it's very hard to find a love on internet and maybe impossible, because we didn't know it real or not

Antipete · Post by **Antipete** » Oct 1st, '10, 19:49

"Internet meeting" is fine but the dating cant be done that way so the wording is not correct.

However, Iv'e met and almost married a woman off the internet after dating for 3 years, but I was moving to California and she could not and so I met my present lover.

I just about never take part of internet discussions of this nature. Not because I have nothing to say but because I truly believe that life is for learning. Relationships are one heck of a ground to learn on but we do it as human beings. That being said, If you asked me "the meaning of life" there can be but one answer. Life is meant "to love".

Now the thing about relationships between people is not (my opinion) the sparks and flames that start the relationship but I tend to believe the REAL RELATIONSHIP starts when those die away. Not to say I am not attracted to my lover but rather to say, that when the sex thing has become a side issue of a more complex relationship. My relationship with my present lover is based upon principles and only grows stronger as we strive to meet the world head on together. Paying the bills, taking care of each other and other family members (pets). Moving on and up by encouraging each other to greater plateau's in life. We started with nothing and now are planning the future together like buying a house and making sure theres a plan for what we want in life.
Much give and take and all of this was made possible because I DID take the time to get to know her first. I sat her down and had a discussion on what she felt was important in life and what she would like to do.

We both think of others first and we live our life by that. I am proud to say and to call her my lover and could go on and on about how she and I have achieved these dreams in this life shared together. That to me is what defines a "relationship". That 4 years into this I still love spending time with her and could not imagine it any other way.

Wish you all great luck.

brock9233 · Post by **brock9233** » Oct 3rd, '10, 12:26

It's a pretty common thing that love is now happening on the internet. But for that you need to have patience and faith because you both are far from each other.

justguess · Post by **justguess** » Oct 3rd, '10, 16:29

hm, love on the internet... i do like a guy i met on the internet, since the beginning i knew how he looks like, well, bc he added me on a social site where he was chatting with his friends from RL... he wasn't a good looker, and one girl even said he looked ugly, but i just fooled around with him, we talked about different topics alot, and then one day i found out i started to like him more, hahah, yeah, IRL i usually have crushed on good looking guys lol. but yeah, as i started looking through his photos i really stopped thinking he's bad looking and he became nice looking in my eyes. i still keep in touch with him. but i don't think i'd consider online dating, we're way too far from each other, and well i know he doesn't like me that way.

scaturan · Post by **scaturan** » Oct 17th, '10, 09:52

my 2 cents:

Distant relationship isn't for everyone. Don't bank on emotions (butterflies on your stomach, feelings of love and awe, etc...) for too long, as they will only evaporate over time and during times when your bonding is tested (disagreements, arguments, petty fights that last a week or two, no text messages or phone calls, etc...)

Most importantly, talk about what "commitment" and "sacrifice" means to both of you and take notes where those conversations take you. The rest is for you to explore and experience.

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