korean american dating korean FOB

jinmyu · Post by **jinmyu** » Sep 21st, '06, 16:44

i'm a korean american girl dating a first born korean male international student. he says that his family is really conservative. This is my first korean bf, i've only dated american guys. i'm sorry to admit, but i am pretty white washed. All of my friends are white, and my korean is at 2nd grade level. I am seriously into this guy, but i'm afraid that his family will never accept me. In addition, he is really rich so i'm afraid that his family will never accept me b/c i'm from a middle class here. I heard that rich korean familys are discrimatory against poorer class. the only thing going for me is that i am working towards being a doctor and most of my family consist of doctors. will they reject me? what do you think?

nikochanr3 · Post by **nikochanr3** » Sep 21st, '06, 16:48

jinmyu wrote:i'm a korean american girl dating a first born korean male international student. he says that his family is really conservative. This is my first korean bf, i've only dated american guys. i'm sorry to admit, but i am pretty white washed. All of my friends are white, and my korean is at 2nd grade level. I am seriously into this guy, but i'm afraid that his family will never accept me. In addition, he is really rich so i'm afraid that his family will never accept me b/c i'm from a middle class here. I heard that rich korean familys are discrimatory against poorer class. the only thing going for me is that i am working towards being a doctor and most of my family consist of doctors. will they reject me? what do you think?

that last line seems to me that it will count a lot. good luck. i dont think anyone can say anything here that would really matter - its too specific a situation.

kotaeshiranaihito · Post by **kotaeshiranaihito** » Sep 21st, '06, 16:49

possibly. but you never know unless you try.

I don't think anyone can give a real answer because no one here knows your bf's family. The best answer I can think of is: you have a leg up over girls who aren't korean by birth.

nikochanr3 · Post by **nikochanr3** » Sep 21st, '06, 16:59

kotaeshiranaihito wrote:possibly. but you never know unless you try.

I don't think anyone can give a real answer because no one here knows your bf's family. The best answer I can think of is: you have a leg up over girls who aren't korean by birth.

or becoming doctors...

kotaeshiranaihito · Post by **kotaeshiranaihito** » Sep 21st, '06, 18:13

nikochanr3 wrote:
kotaeshiranaihito wrote:possibly. but you never know unless you try.

I don't think anyone can give a real answer because no one here knows your bf's family. The best answer I can think of is: you have a leg up over girls who aren't korean by birth.
or becoming doctors...

who knows? If they're seriously conservative they might expect her to become a full time mother and housewife. Doctors usually work all day, especailly if it's one of those surgeon types. What kind of doctor do you want to become?

nikochanr3 · Post by **nikochanr3** » Sep 21st, '06, 18:15

ouch, good point.

smxo3o2 · Post by **smxo3o2** » Sep 21st, '06, 21:05

jinmyu wrote:i'm a korean american girl dating a first born korean male international student. he says that his family is really conservative. This is my first korean bf, i've only dated american guys. i'm sorry to admit, but i am pretty white washed.All of my friends are white, and my korean is at 2nd grade level. I am seriously into this guy, but i'm afraid that his family will never accept me. In addition, he is really rich so i'm afraid that his family will never accept me b/c i'm from a middle class here. I heard that rich korean familys are discrimatory against poorer class. the only thing going for me is that i am working towards being a doctor and most of my family consist of doctors. will they reject me? what do you think?

So I take it that doesn't include Korean American or Asian Americans when you say you've only dated American guys.

So why the sudden change?

gerryg · Post by **gerryg** » Sep 21st, '06, 21:23

I am curious.... What did he say? Did you even ask him?

jinmyu · Post by **jinmyu** » Sep 21st, '06, 21:51

he wants me to go to korea with him this winter to meet his family. this is terrifying since my korean really sucks. yes, i've only been with white guys. I grew up in an area where there weren't that many asians. Now that i moved to the city, i am exposed to more diversity. I think i definitely would've gone out with more asian guys if i grew up in nyc or la....
my korean is improving drastically since i met him. I am learning more about korean popculture. one thing that ticks me off about dating him is that he is really into my looks.

warlock110 · Post by **warlock110** » Sep 22nd, '06, 03:43

jinmyu wrote:he wants me to go to korea with him this winter to meet his family. this is terrifying since my korean really sucks. yes, i've only been with white guys. I grew up in an area where there weren't that many asians. Now that i moved to the city, i am exposed to more diversity. I think i definitely would've gone out with more asian guys if i grew up in nyc or la....
my korean is improving drastically since i met him. I am learning more about korean popculture. one thing that ticks me off about dating him is that he is really into my looks.

let's put it like this, if u watch korean drama u're not white wash. u do what u want to do, no point asking on here. you're trying to become a doctor and u can't decide this for yourself? those things might sound harsh but it's reality, it's your life, why do u want people online (those u don't know influence you?) u wanna starts your own korean drama? cuzz this is perfect, poor girl + rich guy....ect... throw in a little spice + a producer and u got yourself 1.

you seems to cover everything for yourself already, u said ur korean sux but it's improving drasticly... that already shows u wanna go meet his family. then GO... every thing that u said would be bad, i turn around and u already have a cover for it. that means u WANT to go. then go.

i'm really annoy about people asking others (espeically online people) about relationship. it's you who are in the mix, we don't know the details, we don't know what's going on. It's like asking the blind for directions. if you're that insecure about the relationship then don't worry about it, it won't go no where.

korx · Post by **korx** » Sep 22nd, '06, 21:51

You must be hot. Post a picture haha

stupidbaka · Post by **stupidbaka** » Sep 22nd, '06, 22:01

Sorry for being rude, but I'll be blunt, why worry about his parents when you're only dating. And I'm a guy, but if I don't go against my parents on who I love truly, then I'm not a man.

Dee_Chan^.^ · Post by **Dee_Chan^.^** » Sep 23rd, '06, 02:08

Hey good on you for having a korean bf a change is good

Honestly if it does go far as marriage, I think you might have some problems, and maybe if they do find out (parents) they will threaten to send him back home..i say this not because I've seen it in movies but it happened to my friend he is a Korean guy with rich family...but not cos he was dating a girl, something even more simpler..which i wil never know..lol hahah

But AZA AZA Keep of Fighting..Goodluck

g_jung · Post by **g_jung** » Sep 26th, '06, 03:49

jinmyu wrote:i'm a korean american girl dating a first born korean male international student. he says that his family is really conservative. This is my first korean bf, i've only dated american guys. i'm sorry to admit, but i am pretty white washed. All of my friends are white, and my korean is at 2nd grade level. I am seriously into this guy, but i'm afraid that his family will never accept me. In addition, he is really rich so i'm afraid that his family will never accept me b/c i'm from a middle class here. I heard that rich korean familys are discrimatory against poorer class. the only thing going for me is that i am working towards being a doctor and most of my family consist of doctors. will they reject me? what do you think?

It's going to depend on a lot of factors:

1) How confucian they are
2) How "traditional" their views are
3) What kind of body type do you have
4) The background of your family
5) Your personality in relation to their son's

My mother has gone back to Korea countless times ever since she emigrated to Canada and she's amazed at how much the cultural norms/values/attitudes of Korean people change...even on a yearly basis. The pace of life there is light speed compared to many parts of North America. You'll run into people like my mother and her golfing buddies who came from Korea a year or two ago and they don't want their kids living in the same home after they get married, don't get too involved in the choice of their children's choice of partner and could care less if their children don't get involved in the family business. Well at least not right away (until they gain some experience at other companies and develop their skills...)

But then there are people who demand their children are fully involved in the family business, live at home, and are over bearing in-laws to their son's wife. You can meet ten 50 something's in Korea who think very moderate, and then 5 who are confucian in everything they do.

As for the rich's viewpoint on the poor, I think there is a very similar level of snootiness and arrogance whether the person is from Korea or North America. Perhaps rich Koreans are more public in their vile and distaste for the poor, but overall I don't find the general attitude to be quite different.

jellybean · Post by **jellybean** » Sep 26th, '06, 12:49

If your family consists of doctors - how are you THAT poor? I don't really see how a 'snooty' situation would occur. (They always portray rich characters in kdramas as having doctors for parents...but alas reality

)

Also - I would have though Korean families appreciated an American Korean - english is a great asset is it not?

Gyopo · Post by **Gyopo** » Sep 28th, '06, 03:59

What is he, a chaebol heir? -.-;. If you come from a family of doctors, surely you can't be that much poorer than he is.

Also on "white-washed"-ness; every Korean immigrant here in America, is to a degree white-washed. Just because you watch dramas or listen to Korean music doesn't make you one inch of a Korean. All you have that shows you are Korean is genetics. "Korean-Pride" is nothing but petty indulgence in ethnocentrism. Most of the Jaemi Gyopos I've seen in America have been fully integrated into American society.

wickedseahorse · Post by **wickedseahorse** » Oct 24th, '06, 04:57

Gyopo wrote:What is he, a chaebol heir? -.-;.

All you have that shows you are Korean is genetics. "Korean-Pride" is nothing but petty indulgence in ethnocentrism. Most of the Jaemi Gyopos I've seen in America have been fully integrated into American society.

a) amen to THAT!

b) what is chaebol

c) that's one of us down... >.<;;;;

=)

i was going to say something but i forgot.... oh! if you guys can't communicate that well [at the beginning] then both of you are into each other's looks because you mentioned something about him being really into your looks. so yeah.... idk.. i'm gibbering.. gibber gibber!

ephesus · Post by **ephesus** » Oct 24th, '06, 05:18

You should have no problems. If you were half korean and half BLACK like me, you would have problems. Just stay positive ;-)

albertjlee · Post by **albertjlee** » Oct 24th, '06, 05:44

<-- 2nd generation korean american here too...

It is fairly common for 2nd generation korean women dating FOBs. I grew up with nothing but koreans and very little white people around me. As long as your korean, it shouldn't really matter much, but it will still hurt you some. People in korea tend to look down on us 2nd generations, because although we look korean, we aren't really korean, so they think we are stupid for not knowing our own language.

Being a middle class won't hurt you, especially since you are becomming a doctor. A doctor is considered upper class in korea; a educated elite.

That being so, traditional koreans believe in arranged marriages, so... if they have someone in mind for their son already, your pretty much screwed. Even so, lets hope for the best because your boyfriend actually wants you to meet his parents. He would not do that if he knew you did not have a chance. Unless he's dumb, then all hell breaks loose.

Some tips on how you should behave:

1. Dress the part. Buy a pair of manolo blhanik's, and some clothes at burberry or burberry like store... Clothes leave a lasting impression. (name brands)

2. Posture. Try to keep good posture. A bad habit with us americans are that we tend to slouch.

3. Speak in a soft tone. Learn john daen mahl, with a mix of proper korean. Don't end every sentance with "yo" Try to brush up on some korean before you leave.

4. Have confidance. Korean parents can smell fear a mile away.

5. Don't go overboard. Don't ask many questions, and always respond when spoken too.

6. Match their mood.

7. Show them how much you love their son without being all touchy.

This isn't a rule, but just a loose guideline. Everything will probably go well in the end. Not every "super rich" family in korea are that dumb to look down on people. then again... it is korea... so your chances are 50-50. Just be calm, and have confidence in yourself, and you will make a good impression. Just because they are traditional doesn't mean that they have a superiority complex.

blamvitaburst · Post by **blamvitaburst** » Oct 24th, '06, 06:15

If they deny you then that's their loss and they can just lose out on life. haha I want a doctor for a daughter-in-law! ... If only I had a son.

Well I can't give you any info on what Korean people would do but I'd say that ultimately you just have to be honest, modest, and polite while still being personable with them and you should be fine. If they still don't want you near their son and attempt to get between you then they've got some issues and you don't want to be in that family anyway. Also, no more watching dramas for you until you're done visiting with them. You'll start imagining horribly dramatic plot twists right in the middle of tea. ;)

nuclear · Post by **nuclear** » Oct 24th, '06, 21:09

[quote="

Just because you watch dramas or listen to Korean music doesn't make you one inch of a Korean. All you have that shows you are Korean is genetics. "Korean-Pride" is nothing but petty indulgence in ethnocentrism. Most of the Jaemi Gyopos I've seen in America have been fully integrated into American society.[/quote]

right even here were am from every asian is fully integrated

marvelous · Post by **marvelous** » Oct 29th, '06, 03:51

Gyopo wrote:What is he, a chaebol heir? -.-;. If you come from a family of doctors, surely you can't be that much poorer than he is.

Also on "white-washed"-ness; every Korean immigrant here in America, is to a degree white-washed. Just because you watch dramas or listen to Korean music doesn't make you one inch of a Korean. All you have that shows you are Korean is genetics. "Korean-Pride" is nothing but petty indulgence in ethnocentrism. Most of the Jaemi Gyopos I've seen in America have been fully integrated into American society.

That's a lot of huff and puff you're trying to spew... It's true Koreans are somewhat integrated to American society. Some more than others... Just because you act American does it make you American? Genetics you say... I'm 100% Korean... I speak Korean, eat korean food, watch korean vids, listen to korean music, hang with koreans + everyone else, think like a korean, and my heart is Korean... So what does that mean? You live in a foreign land and you automatically become American or European? Do these people even accept you as an COMPLETE equal?

I am not 2nd generation but 1.5... And I have to disagree... I know from HyongNim and Noona and know how to respect like Korean and I will teach it to my kids... It's something called culture and I think lot of people are forgetting about where you came from and how you're family came about to where you are now...

nyminute · Post by **nyminute** » Nov 1st, '06, 20:02

jinmyu wrote:i'm a korean american girl dating a first born korean male international student. he says that his family is really conservative. This is my first korean bf, i've only dated american guys. i'm sorry to admit, but i am pretty white washed. All of my friends are white, and my korean is at 2nd grade level. I am seriously into this guy, but i'm afraid that his family will never accept me. In addition, he is really rich so i'm afraid that his family will never accept me b/c i'm from a middle class here. I heard that rich korean familys are discrimatory against poorer class. the only thing going for me is that i am working towards being a doctor and most of my family consist of doctors. will they reject me? what do you think?

Don't sell yourself short. You should really get to know the guy before thinking of marriage. If his family is reasonable, and I hope they are, then they should respect their son's judgment (of you). Just becareful that your bf is not just having fun while away from home. If he's from a truly wealthy family, there's a good chance that his parents already have someone in mind for him (marriage of convenience). I hope that's not the case, but you'll find out once you meet his parents. Rather than trying to act like someone you're not, you should act naturally when you meet with his parents. Of course, being proper and respectful are a given, but even they should understand that your western influence get in the way of all that. If they are good people, they should be understanding of where you're coming from -- who knows, they may even respect that. Remember that he's not the only fish in the sea. Marriage is a huge commitment involving everyone around you, so try not to be impulsive. Also, finish your Med-school. It's always good to have a career/life outside of home and family.

Good luck.

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