matchmaking do u agree or not?

OnneQ · Post by **OnneQ** » Aug 3rd, '07, 09:37

want to ask ur opinion bcoz of one of my frend's prob...

We live in a very modern years not in grandma and grandpa years.However, if one day ur parents want you to go for a matchmaking and want you to marry that girl/boy what your respond?

haywon · Post by **haywon** » Aug 3rd, '07, 09:56

i wouldn't really like it to be honest as first of all you haven't had the time to get to know the person whom you are going to marry and whether you will be able to get along because sometimes at first you may get along but then things could not turn so well later on. But if it were my parents wish then i'd have to do it but i would sort of object at first since you should be allowed to look for someone who is actually your true love to marry and we should be able to do that shouldn't we?
but arranged marriages can lead to happiness and love aswell so its really to do with how the person who is faced with this experience feels about this, whether they would like to do it or not. they have the right to have their own say.

skachild · Post by **skachild** » Aug 3rd, '07, 12:08

definitely NO... dunno why but its a NO...

cantiara · Post by **cantiara** » Aug 3rd, '07, 12:41

I would most likely disagree, simply for the fact that my life partner should be someone that I choose for myself. (I'm the one who's gonna spend my life with that respective person, not my parents).

However, Even though I dislike the idea, I would still keep my mind open. I would not act like a rebellious teen and strongly reject my parents' wishes. No parents would want to marry off their children to someone unreliable. So, I would still go to the matchmaking session and check the person out myself. We'll see what happens afterwards. Who knows he might even be "the one" (if such "one" should ever exist)...

Hanakurosu · Post by **Hanakurosu** » Aug 5th, '07, 07:01

Yeah, definitely disagree... its your freedom to choose whoever you want to be with the rest of your life...

AfricanBean · Post by **AfricanBean** » Aug 6th, '07, 19:51

While I respect the decisions of my parents, I'd have to decline. Their opinions have more weight to me than anyone else's but there comes a point where I draw the line. It's because they raised me so well that I am able to draw that line decisively, and with pride.

Dreamfall · Post by **Dreamfall** » Aug 11th, '07, 10:47

Well...I doubt I'll get marryed anyway...but I don't aprove matchmaking.
As I saw in movies before matchmaking is not the way to find someone who matches you...but someone who's family is rich so it would match to whole family's budget ...

itsukiD · Post by **itsukiD** » Aug 14th, '07, 03:28

interesting topic, seeing that i'm somewhat in a similar situation. I've jus gotten out of a messed up relationship that brought me down to rock bottom. for sympathetic and paternal reasons, my father is trying to set me up with some chick from our homeland. he apparently knows her, i dont know how. he keeps in contact with her and her family and encourages me to interact with her online. I'm getting that "you have to think practical, plan your future, and marry her if u like her" type pressure cuz he's planning to send me to the philippines to meet her in december.

i've chatted with her a couple of times online, but there's no spark or chemistry. maybe when i meet her in person i cant get a real feel for what kinda person she really is, but really I'm going into this thinking that I get a nice vacation out of it. i have no plans on marryin this girl on our second meeting, as per my father's instructions/suggestions.

but i would like a backup plan, jus in case things get crazy. dont want this girl or my dad thinkin that jus cuz i agree to meet her means that things will go as they plan. f*** that. ill respect my dad's wishes to meet up, but i dont want to marry someone i dont love or care about, so if there are any girls in manila that wanna help me out by pretending to be someone i like and get me out of that situation

, feel free to contact me.

oops forgot to say that i TOTALLY DISAGREE... i wonder why?

mimmi · Post by **mimmi** » Aug 20th, '07, 00:16

Interesting topic....I'm not for arrange marriage too, too much bride to do that and I'm glad my dad is against that too, well that explain why I married into a total different cultures and ethnicity; it's my choice.....anyway, if I'm in that situation, I'll be just honest to my parents and say, "dad, mom, look, here's the thing, just hear me out for a few minutes. I don't want to marry somebody by you arranging it without me falling in love with that person. I want to marry the person my heart goes flip upside down for. But I'm going to meet this person you want me to marry and I'm going to go out on dates with him to see what there is to him, but I'm not gonna promise you that I will marry him, because I won't if I don't find him suited for me in everything, including if I don't find him attractive in some ways and if I don't fall in love with him, and if I don't find him intelligent. I want to have intelligent kids"....ok, that's how I'll deal with that and I'm sure any parents will just understand you too, but don't deceive your parents for god shakes.....honesty is the best policy....go meet him/her with and open mind but have an honest talk with your parents and with his/her parents too of your intentions....that's my two cents worth....

|ZERO| · Post by **|ZERO|** » Aug 21st, '07, 07:15

In general I don't agree but I can see why it could be good. If i was living abroad and there were few people of my race and nationality then I wouldn't mind being matched up with some one who was.

cloudNINE. · Post by **cloudNINE.** » Aug 22nd, '07, 02:02

I love my parents, but I'd have to pass on that one. Even though they are my parents I still don't think they know what I'm looking for in a partner. I would hate to wake up in ten years next to someone who was more suitable for my mother than for me.

mimmi · Post by **mimmi** » Aug 22nd, '07, 15:45

cloudNINE wrote:

I would hate to wake up in ten years next to someone who was more suitable for my mother than for me. Crazy Crazy Laugh Laugh

....now, that's just so funny

....

cloudNINE. · Post by **cloudNINE.** » Aug 23rd, '07, 19:14

mimmi wrote:cloudNINE wrote:
I would hate to wake up in ten years next to someone who was more suitable for my mother than for me. Crazy Crazy Laugh Laugh
....now, that's just so funny ....

I told my sister about this post and she goes "You'd be married to a younger version of Dad."

Now that creeped me out.

kcabrera3 · Post by **kcabrera3** » Aug 23rd, '07, 19:49

Hi everyone

This is a cultural thing, You cannot have a right or wrong opinion about this mater, even worst you cannot completed understand the other point of view.
In my personal opinion, love is the most important thing in a relationship but who knows where you can find it but I can Imagen my mother or anyone thinking which is the most suitable person for me jajaja It could be kind of fanny!

I went to a blind date once with one of my brother friend and it was terrible beyond imagination, and my brother told me that he was perfect for me

Bye

lolofay · Post by **lolofay** » Sep 12th, '07, 02:51

why not... the idea that love will endure all seems a little too unrealistic ... i've been through it all with guys, so i actually wouldn't mind for a little break now... i trust my mom's judgment so, bring it on lady!!! i can't ever say never...

lolofay · Post by **lolofay** » Sep 12th, '07, 02:53

why not... the idea that love will endure all seems a little too unrealistic ... i've been through it all with guys, so i actually wouldn't mind for a little break now... i trust my mom's judgment so, bring it on lady!!! i can't ever say never...

daelite · Post by **daelite** » Sep 12th, '07, 02:56

My opinion is it can definitely be a good thing- no reason not to try. If you're seriously looking for a partner but can't meet anyone yourself this is basically just a more advanced blind date.... I wish you luck!

ctdidie · Post by **ctdidie** » Sep 12th, '07, 03:19

gosh! i wish my family will find a guy for me. why? becoz im so unlucky with guys. im not good looking. n always too shy n too silent to approach any guy.

i think matcmaking is a good thing minus the family-force thingy.

i asked my mom for it, but she said she doesnt mind if i married late. but i do mind about it. hello? the biological clock is ticking. i dont want to be too old to take care of my kids. and i dont want to die before i seen my grandkids. am i sick or something for thinking like this?

LilyPop! · Post by **LilyPop!** » Sep 12th, '07, 03:28

gosh! i wish my family will find a guy for me. why? becoz im so unlucky with guys. im not good looking. n always too shy n too silent to approach any guy.

i think matcmaking is a good thing minus the family-force thingy.

i asked my mom for it, but she said she doesnt mind if i married late. but i do mind about it. hello? the biological clock is ticking. i dont want to be too old to take care of my kids. and i dont want to die before i seen my grandkids. am i sick or something for thinking like this?

yea thats understandable. i'm the same way too!
i wouldnt want it if it was forced on me

but since i'm shy and can never talk to nevermind guys, but just people, i feel like i'll be single all my life.

ctdidie · Post by **ctdidie** » Sep 12th, '07, 04:20

LilyPop! wrote:
gosh! i wish my family will find a guy for me. why? becoz im so unlucky with guys. im not good looking. n always too shy n too silent to approach any guy.

i think matcmaking is a good thing minus the family-force thingy.

i asked my mom for it, but she said she doesnt mind if i married late. but i do mind about it. hello? the biological clock is ticking. i dont want to be too old to take care of my kids. and i dont want to die before i seen my grandkids. am i sick or something for thinking like this?
yea thats understandable. i'm the same way too!
i wouldnt want it if it was forced on me

but since i'm shy and can never talk to nevermind guys, but just people, i feel like i'll be single all my life.

omg! i feel exactly the same. but when i think that i'll be single all my life, i get kinda sad.. and depressed. i tried not to think about it so much. but everybody around me are in a relationship. and most of my gfs are married or getting married this year. i feel like im left behind. see how hopeless this life is?

angelarce · Post by **angelarce** » Sep 20th, '07, 09:21

I'm a Filipina and we don't have this custom. If my parents were to chose my husband to be, I'd definitely refuse. The idea is very alien for me. it's about my life, my marriage...i'll be the one living with the guy not them. we're talking about a very important choice here, the person who'll become the father of my children, the one with whom I'll be living with for the rest of my life(maybe) so he'd rather be someone whom I like and not some guy who my parents think is right for me.

exiguel88 · Post by **exiguel88** » Oct 30th, '07, 09:54

I'd gladly meet the other person if i've heard only great impressive thing about her. If she plays guitar ,piano AND harmonica AND sings. There is no way i'm gonna miss that chance.

Noale · Post by **Noale** » Nov 1st, '07, 13:07

There is no greater upportunity for creating drama.
However, even though I am all for freedom, I dont even find the idea so horrible. Parents do usually want the best for their children and know their children very well, so it's likely they'll carefully pick out a partner for you. And if, by some coincidence, you happen to like this person, then I don't see the problem. Although, If you're not interested in this person and you refuse to date him or her, parents should accept and respect that.
Still, I think I'd go for the "drama creating" option, because such matchmaking is not a custom inside my culture and I'd just be offended.

Raspberry Latte · Post by **Raspberry Latte** » Nov 29th, '07, 01:14

I'm older than most of you who posted here, so I wanted to give an opinion from the "other side" - the person who had previous experience. In the culture I'm from there is no direct custom of "arranged marriage" (or should i say not any more), but it rather evolved into "creating an opportunity" to meet with someone. There are even special places to meet, and sometimes special people who arrange these meetings.
I think there are two different aspects in this - one, is when your parents, or other elders, or even sometimes your friends are trying to help you to meet the partner from a nice family (and nice family has nothing to do with rich) with a good background etc., etc. I don't see any evil in that especially for the shy girls (and I'm somewhat shy too) - it allows you to meet with different people and gives you more choices. If you are close to your parents or elders and you have mutual respect to each other and also they know you very well, I would trust that they will pick a good person for you to meet. Of course if there is no "chemistry" between you two, there shouldn't be any hard feelings. But you can never completely rule out a chance... Who knows?! I've met guys for an arranged date, but didn't mean that I had to develop any feelings or stay in a relationship if I didn't want to.
Another thing is when your parents are forcing you into an unwanted relationship - of course it's an invasion of your personal world, and it's a big NO.

xOxcinderellaxOx · Post by **xOxcinderellaxOx** » Mar 15th, '08, 08:07

I would be open to it. I mean, come on, my parents are not one who only cares for money and business. They care for my well-being and my happiness so I'm pretty sure that they chose that special someone because he really will be a good husband for me.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying someone whom I don't love (as more than a friend) because I could still manage to live with them for the rest of my life as long as that person loves me more than his life. Only then will I know that I'll be safe no matter what happens to me.

untitledmelody · Post by **untitledmelody** » Mar 15th, '08, 08:45

Hmm, after skimming through the posts here, it's kinda surprising that most people here don't really mind being matchmade! LOL Looks like there are a good few of us who are still conservative...

Personally, I wouldn't say I'm fully against it, because most things come with the pros and the cons. If I was in a relationship with a guy and I'm happy, I would be totally furious and against matchmaking if my parents were to spring one on me at that time. But if I'm single and available... I think it'd be okay. But about taking it as far as marriage is a bit overwhelming... I might actually be against that. Like if it was "Get married to this man, no buts!" Whoa, I'd say "No way!" Because, I'd have to live my whole life with somebody whom I'm not even sure is the one, and to me divorce is the definite last straw.

Star-Bolt · Post by **Star-Bolt** » Mar 16th, '08, 14:36

Not my parents but some relatives had tryed to arrange a match for me

. But I never showed up hahaha!!!!! Its so uncomfortable! I dont understand why the girl accepted that. If she accepts this kind of things then I think there must be a problem with her. I almost have 30 years old and I want to keep taking my time to find the right person to marry. Now Im in a beautifull relationship and Im willing to succeed and get married. But it will always be my desition because its an important part of MY life

Kanho · Post by **Kanho** » Apr 15th, '08, 07:28

Of course it depends. If I am still single and the one whom I am being paired is still single I guess we'll try it. And if I already have my own girlfriend. Oh sorry a big NO!

I don't want to be with someone I don't know if I'll be loving and be hurting the one I love.

jotdess · Post by **jotdess** » Apr 16th, '08, 03:27

Completely against it. Why should someone else choose who is right for you? Only you can decide.

akiko-chico · Post by **akiko-chico** » Apr 16th, '08, 04:00

I think I'll get to know that person and decide for myself whether or not we would 'match' but of course it is ultimately my decision and not my parentals

dabogy · Post by **dabogy** » Jul 15th, '09, 03:00

WELL IF YOUR NOT YET HOOKED WITH SOMEONE, Y NOT, THERE'S NO HARM IN TRYING. MAYBE ITS BETTER THATN TO REGRET IN THE FUTURE..

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