Close workplace friend.... how to remedy the situation?

banno · Post by **banno** » Nov 25th, '07, 02:01

I met this friend (gal) at this workplace whom I think I am are close friends with. We would talk about anything under the sun, our work problems, daily issues. She would just say ' I feel tired today' out of the blue and we would just sit down toking rubbish. However just recently she just became very 'strange', giving one word replies and we seldom tok like we used to before... (a bit like strangers :{ ....)

I admit I was shaken a bit by her just very recently. I have now got my feelings in check and I just treat her any other close friend now that I would care for. (In case u are wondering, I did not say anything and I dun tink my actions are out of the 'extraordinary'). I value her friendship much more than a boy/gal relationship. However I do not know what has caused the change in her (i can only speculate) and the bottomline is I just want my 'close pal' back.

Can I do a U-turn now? I would hate to lose a friend like that. Please advise, fellow d addicts....

TIticamara · Post by **TIticamara** » Nov 25th, '07, 10:51

Ask her out for a drink after work and talk to her what has been bothering you. Having a good face to face talk is the best solution.

ackirom · Post by **ackirom** » Nov 25th, '07, 16:00

Maybe something bad happened that has completely nothing to do with you. And what do you mean shaken by her? In what way?

banno · Post by **banno** » Nov 26th, '07, 08:54

Hi ackirom, 'shaken' in a sense like attracted to her for a while....I am not sure what has happened but its been a few days liao... now it just feels kind of strange... I think I should just treat everything as normal and act like I always do, meanwhile just continue observing

Hi Titicamara, u are his fan haha, I will keep observing the situation first before having a talk with her. I will keep u guys updated.

Thanks for the advice!!!

Raspberry Latte · Post by **Raspberry Latte** » Nov 28th, '07, 21:49

I will keep observing the situation first before having a talk with her.

Don't try to clear up everything with her right away, just be like - I will listen to you whenever you're ready to talk. Some girls are afraid of being pressured, and would completely shut you off. Just let her know that you are concerned, and would like to help.

banno · Post by **banno** » Dec 3rd, '07, 06:49

hi all, everything is ok now. I just act normally as usual and perhaps she noticed that too and she opened up to me again. We are now good friends.... Any advice to prevent this from happenning in the future?

murokeksi · Post by **murokeksi** » Dec 9th, '07, 20:17

Well I don't really know what happened with you and your friend, but my situation is this:

I have a REALLY good boyFRIEND, but well it came to that that he started to like me and I really can't ever imagine to be with him, 'cause he's really just friend and I don't feel anything for him(poor guy).. well I have been now days a little bit rude to him 'cause I don't want that he starts to think anything.. I really want to be friends with him, but I can't say straigh to him that keep you head cold. And it was so afful when he started to like me!!!!! He changed a lot.. he tried to hold hands and he didn't joke as much as he used to... and he came more nervous and..!!!! Really I hate this situation.. And I can't help myself.. I just act more nastier now 'cause I don't know what to do.. I have been thinking to tell him

1. I'm gay LOL
2. Get someone to pretend to be my boyfriend
3. Tell him I like someone

But I don't like to lie.. and it's never good.. but IF I can save his feelings or get our friendship back I do anything.. well if girl though how I think now u just can't act like u like her in romantic way.. BUT I don't know if this is the case with u..

if someone could say what I should do with my friend I would be more than happy to get some advices.. I'm really tired of this situation

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 10th, '07, 03:44

^why dont you like him? is he that lame?

murokeksi · Post by **murokeksi** » Dec 10th, '07, 22:25

I like him, but not that way...I really feel he is like a brother to me.. It isin't that he's lame or so.. it's just that I don't feel anything more! I can't help my feelings... they just are what they are.

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:05

^is he ugly??? childish?

murokeksi · Post by **murokeksi** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:11

WTF?
I'm sorry but I don't think u understand me... He could be the most handsome, kind and intelligent person, but if I feel him like my brother I can't like him back.. Would u like someone who is like a sister to u? I don't think so..

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:21

^so lets say it was kimura takuya or matsumoto jun, would you still feel like his a brother to you?

murokeksi · Post by **murokeksi** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:25

Yeah!! What u can't understand?

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:31

yes i cant please explain further....

nadesico · Post by **nadesico** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:32

bluespring wrote:^so lets say it was kimura takuya or matsumoto jun, would you still feel like his a brother to you?

Like she said, she can't help her feelings...She shouldn't feel pressured about this, I suppose she's already feeling guilty because of the situation... Anyway, if I can give a piece of advice, obviously, there is nothing too frontal to do before he actually confess, but you can show him for example you don't want him to get touchy-feely with you, or makes him understand that some things he does are making you uncomfortable. If he is really the persistant type, ie insisting on holding your hand when your already refused, then just tell him you don't like it at all? If he respects you, he will understand (I hope)
Don't be cruel, but be firm, and you are right, lie is not the solution!! Good luck ^__^

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:36

^i thought of a better solution! hook him up with a hottieee xxxxzzdadad

murokeksi · Post by **murokeksi** » Dec 10th, '07, 23:42

nadesico wrote:
bluespring wrote:^so lets say it was kimura takuya or matsumoto jun, would you still feel like his a brother to you?
Like she said, she can't help her feelings...She shouldn't feel pressured about this, I suppose she's already feeling guilty because of the situation... Anyway, if I can give a piece of advice, obviously, there is nothing too frontal to do before he actually confess, but you can show him for example you don't want him to get touchy-feely with you, or makes him understand that some things he does are making you uncomfortable. If he is really the persistant type, ie insisting on holding your hand when your already refused, then just tell him you don't like it at all? If he respects you, he will understand (I hope)
Don't be cruel, but be firm, and you are right, lie is not the solution!! Good luck ^__^

Thank u!! ^^ I really don't want to hurt him and I want to remain friends with him.. It's so hard to always think how I can act before him that he doesn't think I would like him back..But your words were wise, I'm not going to lie^^ Ok firm, but not cruel... I'll try.. Hope he gets message...

ackirom · Post by **ackirom** » Dec 11th, '07, 01:19

You can't not hurt him, murokeksi, that's the thing. I understand your situation. It's happened to me twice. Both times I never resolved it, because I moved away both times, so I was sort of relieved, and a little saddened at the same time cuz obviously I wanted to keep in contact but felt too uncomfortable to do so. And both times, yes I became a little mean to both of them. Come to think of it, I was really mean. But unlike you, I never felt like they were my brother. I'm not even close to my sister let alone my would-be-brother. I was really close to them and I could actually imagine being with them, if personality was all that counted. Unfortunately, I fall into that "looks kind of matter a little" category, so I didn't like them in that way. It doesn't seem like you'll be moving anytime soon, so in your case, I guess you could have a heart-to-heart talk in a coffee shop? Just try to be as casual as possible. He's already made a move on you, so now, I think you have a right to let him know how you feel about that. You just have to be very gentle with your words and add that you value your friendship. Either way, one of you is gonna get hurt -- either you lose him as a friend or you let this linger on, and you'll both suffer.

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 11th, '07, 03:32

^im in pain ackirom

ackirom · Post by **ackirom** » Dec 12th, '07, 18:11

*gasps*What happened?? I need an update!

EDIT: OH wait a minute.

I thought you were murokeksi.

I read your post, quickly answered, and didn't even bother looking at the username. My bad, I do that a lot

bluespring · Post by **bluespring** » Dec 12th, '07, 20:25

probably shes still ignoring him, that sucks too bad for him

banno · Post by **banno** » Jan 3rd, '08, 15:42

Edited
Any comments?.

banno · Post by **banno** » Sep 12th, '08, 03:23

Thanks.

banno · Post by **banno** » Oct 22nd, '08, 02:05

Edited.

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Close workplace friend.... how to remedy the situation?

Close workplace friend.... how to remedy the situation?

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